My results from Project Wellness – week 1…

(Watch the video for more details on what I’ve done this week to achieve these results)

Even though week 1 was only 3 days, I am already seeing some results:

• Lost 1.6lbs
• Feeling great!
• More energy; able to roll out of bed awake
• No exercise this week, only eating Vegan and taking EPX Body Nutri-Thin

Check back next Saturday for another Project Wellness update!

During my studies in clinical psychology I often run across a theory called the biopsychosocial model of mental health.  In a nutshell, this theory says that mental well-being (and mental illness) is affected by a combination of biological (genetic), psychological, and social factors.

What this means is that just because you have a genetic predisposition to a particular mental illness, such as schizophrenia or depression, does not mean you will necessarily develop the illness.  Whether or not you actually develop schizophrenia depends not only on your genetic makeup, but also on other factors in your environment.

This theory is widely accepted by psychologists and psychiatrists alike, and is supported by a variety of research, including studies of twins separated at birth.  As you may or may not know, twins have identical DNA.  Yet, twins that are separated at birth and live in distinctly different situations often bear little resemblance to each other.  The obvious explanation is that genes are not the end all be all of behavioral development, and something else is at play.  That something else is the environment.

Which leads us to epigenetics…

What I have described above is an example of epigenetics at work.  In a nutshell, epigenetics  is the study of what happens to our genome’s (DNA sequences) over our lifespan.  Not so long ago – like before the 1970’s and even into the 80’s and 90’s – scientists were reasonably convinced that the human genome had the final say in who we become in life.  Genes governed everything from mental well-being, to personality, to physical appearance, to what we liked to eat for dinner.  You could not escape your genes.

Fast forward to today, and what scientists are finding is that the genome – while important – is not the end all be all of human development.  We now know that there is another player – the epigenome.  The easiest way to think about how the  genome and the epigenome work together is to think of the genome as the hardware, and the epigenome as the software that tells the hardware what to do.

So while you may share a lot of the same genes with your parents, you are not necessarily going to develop the same traits, because you may have different epigenetic tags (software) telling your genes whether or not to activate, and to what degree.

Here is how epigenetics works

As I mentioned above, the epigenome is like software that controls the hardware of a computer; i.e. the genome.  But who or what is programming the software?  That is where the environment comes in.  Your environment – the people you hang around, the situations you find yourself in, the food you eat, etc. – is the programmer of the epigenome.

And this is awesome news.  Because even though scientists now believe that many of the epigenetic markers are in fact passed from one generation to another, you can control and change those markers by making healthy choices about your environment and lifestyle.

In other words – your past is not necessarily your future.  Even if you are in your 50’s or older, you can still influence your epigenetic markers  by making changes in your environment and lifestyle, and reduce the risks of developing certain diseases, or even extend your life by years.

Here are my goals for Phase II of my wellness journey

1. Eat a more healthy, sustainable diet.  For this I am starting a 30 day Vegan diet experiment.
2. Enroll in the EPXbody 90 Day Challenge.  By enrolling in the challenge my goal becomes more real to me, and I could get paid to lose the weight.  Nice motivation! The product I am taking in Nutri-Thin, and it has great reviews.
3. Expand my exercise routing. I need to be more disciplined with my yoga practice, and will also start doing other exercises like running and weights.  I may try the P90X program I’ve had collecting dust on my bookshelf for years!

Check back for regular updates!

Jung proposed a universal consciousness.  In other words, he proposed the notion that we are all part of the same, dynamic, living system.  We are all interconnected, not only with each other, but with all things in the universe.  This is not a philosophical statement.  Physics supports this idea, at least on a molecular level.

We are stardust

Science shows us that we are all, literally, made of stardust, as is everything else in the known universe.   Almost every element on Earth originated from the heart of a star.  Think about that for a moment!  Understand that even though we may look differently on the outside, on the molecular level we are all the same.  More than that, there is nothing on that molecular level that distinguishes us from the planet on which we live, or from the solar system, or the universe itself.

If we can take this perspective we begin to understand the interconnectedness of not only organic life, but of the entire planetary and universal system.  Perhaps we may begin to understand that we are all recycled in this system, and in that way remain a part of it for eternity (or at least until the system runs out of energy, or more accurately when all existing forms of energy are converted to heat).

It’s time to change our paradigm

Many ancient civilizations seemed to recognize this interconnectedness on some level, even though they may not have had a scientific understanding for its basis.  In our modern era, especially in the west, we seem to have lost this awareness, and taken the view that we (human beings) are the masters of our environment rather than a part of it.This attitude towards our environment, and towards other human beings, is bringing us closer to environmental and human catastrophe on a global scale.  Personally, I do not think the challenges that lie ahead of us (unless we change course) will be the end of humanity.  But, I do think that a significant portion of humanity will cease to exist  (or be converted to another form of energy) as a result of our hubris, and it’s not necessary.

Our planetary resources are not unlimited.  And we exist in a living, breathing ecosystem.  We can no longer afford to treat our planet as a slave to do with as we will.  We need to change our way of life to one that respects our environment, and that is more sustainable.

Carol Dweck, a highly respected Standford professor has conclusively outlined the potential for mental growth and success through a change of internal perspective on life, utilizing a “Growth Mindset”. Mindset, by Carol Dweck is very easy read that is all about disbarring the belief that people are born gifted. Through years of research and multiple real life examples, Dweck outlines the facts that we are all capable of reaching great pinnacles through hard work, dedication and most importantly the mindset we keep.

FIXED MINDSET

Most people hold the belief that they are born with limitations on intelligence, that no matter how hard they try they will never be able to achieve a certain ability. They believe that intelligence is passed on through genetic code, through multiple generations. This limited intelligence controls their probability of success and ability to perform in the world (** proven to be completely false). The people that carry this mindset are the ones who you hear say, “well, I come from a family of iron workers, and that is what we do”. They limit their value in the world by passed experiences and family traits, fitting themselves in to a box, saying to themselves ” I could never be a doctor, lawyer or even a famous athlete”. This limitation in belief will lead to stagnancy and depression in the best of us.

GROWTH MINDSET

Fortunately our world is filled with people who challenge the status quo and strive to be bigger and better than the generations that have come before them. These people are the Michael Jordan, Babe Ruth, Steve Jobs, Martin Luther Kings of the world who expect more and are willing to push through failures and set backs to eventually reach their goals, regardless of their starting position. In all cases where society has labeled someone a natural, genius, or superstar you can trace back through their life and it becomes clear just how much work was put in before they were at the top of their game, and were never born gifted after all. These thought to be ‘legends’, were simply normal individuals who hold effort paramount over the idea of success or failure.

THE RESOLVE

By simply shifting your perspective when it comes to failures, knowing that the resilience endured, creates internal progress and development. The praise we need to be giving is not to people of their brilliance, but of their hard work and persistence. We are not terminally unique, but are all too similar in our ability for achievement, with the only deciding factor being your repetitive, grueling, relentless hard work ethic.

As human beings we have the incredible ability to infer what other people are thinking.  This ability is one of the things that enable us to communicate and work together to achieve great things.  However, there is a darker side to this ability.  When unbalanced, our ability to infer becomes a “cognitive distortion,” or more simply, way of thinking that twists reality.  This way of distorted thinking is often called mind reading, and it can create all kinds of trouble and strife if left unchecked.

What you (think) you know can hurt you

You may have heard the story about the Navy Captain and the Lighthouse.  The (abbreviated version) of the story goes that a Navy battleship is cruising through the ocean close to shore.  The lookouts see a light on the horizon, and the radar shows that the battleship and the other ship (who’s light the lookout sees) are on a collision course.  The Captain of the battleship radios the other ship, identifying himself as a mighty battleship, and tells him to change course.  The other ship radios back to the battleship Captain, telling him to change course.  The Captain, now annoyed, radios back again demanding in a stern tone that he must change course or risk being destroyed!  He is, after all, the Captain of a mighty battleship!  Scourge of the seas!  There is a pause… then the radio crackles… and the captain of the other ship radios back and informs the Navy Captain , in a calm voice, that he cannot change course because he is a lighthouse.

One can only imagine the mind reading that was going on in this situation.  As a former Navy officer myself I know how dangerous a situation like this can be… running aground at high speed is never a good thing!

The message in this story is pretty clear:  don’t assume.  If you are having a disagreement, or are negotiating with somebody else, it is often best to clarify your understanding of their position.  Actually, it’s good communication practice to regularly clarify understanding in any conversation, but especially when emotions are involved.

Mind reading can lead to really bad outcomes

Notwithstanding the extreme example above, mind reading can lead to other – perhaps less tragic but very annoying – bad outcomes.  For instance, let’s say a friend of yours calls you and lets you know he has just got into a great new opportunity, and he wants to tell you about it!  If you are like a lot of people, your initial reaction may be skeptical or even dismissive of the idea before you even know what it is.

Even if you hear your friend out, you may ignore the information because you already have preconceived notions about the motivations or capabilities of your friend and the leaders of the new business opportunity.  This could be a (financially) costly mistake.  It’s probably best to hear your friend out and make a decision based less on mind reading and more on the information.

There are thousands of examples, big and small, that you could probably think where mind reading has lead to misunderstandings that have bad results.  The good news is, if you can avoid prejudging other peoples’ motives, and at least subdue your assumptions about their intentions, and instead ask questions to make sure you understand the message that is being conveyed, you can avoid many of these problems.

Our social networks are vital to our well-being.   Research suggests that people with large social networks may outlive loners by as much as 22%, and that cancer patients with good support from social networks have much higher rates of remission.   From a social psychology standpoint, studies have shown the importance of our friendships and social networks on our worldview, our self-esteem, and overall mental well-being.

So it’s important to have friends.  But friendship is a two way street.  It takes effort, patience, and understanding to develop solid, support friendships.  Here are some tips for building friendships that last.

Know when to give advice, and when to just listen.  This one is tough.  When a friend is in need, we often want to rush right in and “fix” whatever problem he or she is having.  Bad move.

Many times when people (including friends) are sharing their problems they are simply wanting to be heard.  They want somebody to empathize with them.  Often times the last thing they want is advice, or someone to solve their problems for them.

When we just jump in and start solving problems, we inadvertently communicate to our friends that we do not have faith in them to solve their own problems.  While our intentions may be good, it is usually best to just listen, and provide advice only if asked.

If you are unsure about whether your friend wants your help, or just want to be heard it’s ok to ask.

Take the lead… sometimes.  As I mentioned above friendship is a two way street.  Sometimes you lead, and sometimes you follow.  As a general rule, if you are doing all the work – initiating all the plans to get together, making all the suggestions on what to do, are always the one to pick up the phone first, etc. – then you may be in one way friendship.

It could be that you are just more proactive than your friend (some of us just aren’t wired to be initiators), or it could be that either you are being overbearing or your friend just isn’t all that into you.  So not need to over react, just think about it and maybe find a way to talk about it with your friend to make sure you know what is going on.

Don’t be a “one upsman”

There are few things that are more annoying than a “one upsman.”  You know, the guy who always has a better story than you.  If you flew a kite over the weekend, he flew the space shuttle… if you tell a story about a bicycle accident, he tells one about a plane crash…

Don’t be that guy!

Be available (even when you aren’t)

Friendship takes work.  (Did I say that already?)  And while we are all busy in our hyper-busy worlds, we need to answer the bell when a friend in need calls on us.  That does not mean trash your own life, but it does mean that you make time for friends.  Sure, you can skip out on a night out or two if your dissertation is due this month, or bail on that trip to Vegas if you have daddy duty, but if you consistently are a no show, then you will probably stop getting invited.

Oh!  And if your friend is having a significant emotional event, it’s really bad form to be an emotional no show.  Bottom line is, be there for your friends and they will be there for you.

Remember the big things

Taking an interest in your friend’s life is a part of being a good friend.  You should know things about each other, and care.  Nothing says “I’m a crap friend” as much as not remembering important things… like the name of your friend’s kids or wife, for example.  Or not showing up for his wedding, even when you agreed to be the Man of Honor.

So take an interest, remember, and participate in the important moments in your friend’s life.

Remember the “smaller” things

There are big things, like your friend’s wedding.  Then there are smaller things, like your friend’s dog’s birthday.  While your friend may not really care that you remember these details, he or she will surely be impressed when you do!

(A note about “big” and “smaller” things:  I just had a discussion with a friend about the definition of what is a “big” and what is a “smaller” thing.  To him, remembering his anniversary date is a big thing – apparently I shouldn’t schedule Vegas trips or ski trips in Vail on this date.  But remembering his birthday – not so important since he lives in NYC and I’m in Denver we never really celebrate it together.  The point is, it doesn’t really matter what you think is important or not, it matters that you recognize what your friend thinks is important or not, and honor that).

Be fun to be around

We all have our ups and downs.  We all go through rough patches.  And that’s ok.  A good friend can deal with that, and support you when you are down.  But, if you are a constant downer, if you moan about everything, if you are generally a negative person, you will have much more difficulty in finding and keeping good friends.

So lighten up and have some fun with your friends.  Be a source of positive energy.

Help a brother out!

Just as you need support from your friends sometimes, so do your friends.  They may need you to be there for them for big events, like a divorce, or a death of a loved one,  or if they get laid off from their job.  Again, don’t problem solve unless they ask you to.  Just be there to support them; e.g. –listed to them and empathize.

A friend may also need your help for other things as well.  Whenever you can be there… be there.  If your friend needs you to help him move a couch, and you are able to move a couch, help him out!  Just remember to maintain appropriate boundaries… healthy friendships stay healthy when friends maintain their boundaries.

Be uplifting

One of the reasons having good friends is so beneficial to our well-being is the support they give us, and the way they make us feel.  So be kind to your friends.  Act and say things that make them feel better about themselves.  Show them respect.  If you do these things and are genuine, your friendships will grow, and respect and kindness will flow your way as well.

Keep it real

Your friends are not perfect.  Don’t be afraid to waive them off when they are about to do something stupid, or when they are acting stupid.  One sign of a solid friendship is being able to be honest.  But there are different ways to do so, and it’s a two way street.  When you are keeping it real with a friend, be truthful and direct, but be tactful and ensure you are doing it in a constructive way.  Likewise, be willing to accept the same from your friends.

Honesty in any relationship is important, and being able to offer and accept constructive feedback from friends not only makes the friendship stronger, but may also be a great help to your or your friend.

So what is the point of being socially responsible, or contributing to society? Alfred Adler, one of the most renowned social psychologists of our time, suggested that doing good things for others fosters a better self-image and increases our sense of belonging. It is this sense of belonging, in particular, that was most important as human beings are social animals, and strive first and foremost to be members of the collective group. By increasing your sense of belonging to a group, the group becomes part of your identity, and reinforces your own perceptions of who you are, bolstering your self-image.

While Adler’s philosophy is not universally accepted by psychologists, there is some evidence to support his ideas. Research on how relationships develop during infancy, and later through childhood and across the life span, reveals the importance of how we as people view our interactions with others and with our social networks. Infants who learn to trust their parents tend to grow up with healthier ideas about relationships, their role in society, and have higher self-esteem. They are generally more extraverted, and have more positive views of the world.

Conversely, infants who learn that their parents are unreliable or unavailable typically have difficulties forming good relationships, have negative attitudes about themselves, and may find it hard to “fit in” to society. They typically isolate themselves more from the world, and view the world as more hostile or dangerous.

What all this means is that relationships matter, and have profound impacts on our own mental (and physical) well-being. The good news is that while changing our models of relationships that developed during infancy and childhood is difficult, it is not impossible. One of the benefits of doing good things for society and other people – of being social and socially responsible – is that over time these actions can either reinforce the good working models of relationships, or even change the bad ones to be more positive.

In fact, Adler claimed to be able to help anybody with any mental health disorder in 14 days. His prescription was simple: do something good for somebody else every day for 2 weeks. While it is doubtful that this method was 100% successful in reversing serious mental illness, there is some compelling data that the method reduces symptoms for many. As people increasingly feel like they belong, their mental well-being improves.

So give it a try. For the next 14 days, go out of your way to do something good for somebody else. Then come back and tell us how it worked out for you!

Whether you are an experienced leader taking over a new team, or a high performer moving into your first leadership position, taking over a new leadership role is challenging. As a leader taking over a new team, your first goal should be to gain personal credibility with your team and your leadership. Bear in mind that as a new leader your earliest actions will have the most impact on how you are perceived by your leaders and your team for the duration of your tenure. Thus, it is important that you have a well thought out plan for approaching your new leadership challenge. Although there is no “secret sauce” that will ensure you successfully build credibility in a short period of time, there are some characteristics that appear to influence how new leaders are perceived. New leaders are perceived as more credible when they:

Are demanding but not unreasonable. New leaders must establish their authority early on and set challenging, but achievable, goals. Leaders who are demanding and hold their teams accountable for high levels of performance earn the respect of their teams, peers and managers.

They communicate an inspiring vision to the team. As a leader it is not enough to simply be demanding. Leaders must inspire their teams to work hard to achieve demanding goals. The best leaders are capable of creating and communicating a vision that provides the inspiration to achieve results beyond the ordinary. This vision becomes the “why” that the team focuses on when things get tough, long hours are needed, and sacrifices are required to achieve the goals.

Are seen as willing to take rational risks, but are not reckless. Every new leadership opportunity involves taking risks. Indeed, every leadership opportunity involves taking risks. Leaders who are overly risk averse may be seen as lacking courage to do what is necessary to succeed, while leaders who take irrational risks are likely to gain the reputation as being reckless, or poor decision makers. Good leaders assess risks and weigh potential rewards against potential consequences, and take rational risks.

Are focused on achievable goals, but flexible in how they are achieved. Good leaders are masters at managing chaos. Stepping into a new leadership role is often chaotic as leadership transitions involve significant change, both for the new leader and for the organization. Thus it is important for the new leader to quickly identify key issues and provide focus on their resolution. It is equally important that the new leader align values very quickly to focus the team’s behaviors. Chaos in today’s leadership arena is unlikely to ever disappear, but good leaders do not let chaos rule over the team’s actions.

Are approachable to not too familiar. As a new leader you will be a bit of a mystery to your new team. At best the team will most likely have had a cursory introduction to you through an organizational announcement giving a brief history of your accomplishments. At times the team will have received no information about you whatsoever. In either case, it is important that you realize that there will likely be a bit of uneasiness amongst team members at getting a new leader. As a new leader you represent uncertainty and change. You must be approachable so that your team may get to know you, your values, your vision and your personal style. The team must be able to communicate their concerns and ideas, and be comfortable in approaching you. However, you must also avoid becoming too familiar with team members so as not to compromise your authority.

Are willing to make tough calls, but keep the team’s (and individual team members’) well being in mind. Being a leader by definition means having to make tough decisions. Accountability for your team’s performance rests with you. As such you must hold your team accountable for their performance. This means enforcing behavioral and performance standards, making tough operational decisions, and taking rational risks. In doing so, good leaders also retain their humanity and take into consideration the impact their decisions have on the team and individual team members. In order to gain and retain your team’s respect and loyalty, you must also show the team that you respect and are loyal to them, even when making those tough decisions.

Are able to secure early wins that make an immediate impact on the team’s performance.As a new leader you must demonstrate your competence and worthiness. While it is unlikely that your actions will make a significant impact on the team’s measurable performance within the first couple of weeks, you should still seek to identify early wins that will bolster your credibility in the short term. Often times these early wins may be related to fixing critical behavioral issues, focusing on obvious process changes, or tackling problems where the solution is already known but has not had real focus. As a new leader you should seek to identify two or three key problems and focus attention on making substantial, and tangible, gains towards resolving them. These key wins will go a long way to earning the credibility you will need to drive larger, more substantial, programs over the long term.

Gaining personal credibility when stepping into a new leadership role is a challenge that typically takes weeks, not days. However, by identifying opportunities for and securing early wins, demonstrating competence and traits that team members will want to emulate, you should be able to gain the credibility that will set you, and your team, up for success within 3-4 weeks.

Photo by Official Navy Page, who has loads of awesome images on Flickr

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