Going green is all the rage these days, and it makes sense. Aside from the highly politicized issues of global warming, living a greener lifestyle has some very practical benefits. By going green you can reduce your exposure to toxic chemicals, eat healthier foods, live a more active and healthy lifestyle, and even save money.

Here are 10 easy ways you can live greener

1. Turn off lights you are not using (and use only the lights you need). I remember when I was growing up my parents always fussing about “every light in the house being on.” Back then the concern wasn’t the environment, it was the high cost of energy. Not much has changed since the 70’s, expect energy is even more expensive now than it was back then. By turning lights off, and only using lights that you actually need, you not only do good for the environment, you save a ton of money.

2. Cut down on the AC, heating, etc. Like lighting, we Americans tend to be obsessive about air conditioning and heating. Fact: you will live, and even learn to live comfortably, in 65 – 75 degree (F) temperature. In the summer, try not to create an ice box in your home… it really does not need to be 68 degrees inside at all times. And sweaters are made for the winter. This may sound harsh, but if you keep your thermostat set at around 75 in the summer and 65 in the winter, you will find that your body will adapt, and you will be very comfortable. And while you’re at it, turn off that computer and TV when you are not using it! Again, energy is expensive, and there is actually a shortage (which is why its expensive).

3. Walk, or ride a bike. Now, I have to admit, I love to drive. However, my British wife is pretty insistent that driving a block to buy a soda is, frankly, wasteful and stupid. And she is right. Feet were made for walking and peddling. Save gas, get healthy, and help out the environment and drive only when you need to.

4. Drink tap water. All those plastic bottles not only eventually end up in a land fill, or worse, in the ocean… and they don’t break down very quickly at all. And guess what; the $1.25 water you are drinking from that bottle is probably distilled (if you are lucky) tap water, anyway. Even if you only have 1 bottle of water each day, you could save over $35/month by simply turning on the tap. If you are really concerned about filtering, there are cheap alternatives that don’t result in that plastic bottle spending thousands of years in the ocean or land fill.

5. Plant a garden. One of the best things we have done is plant a small vegetable garden on the back yard. You don’t need acres to eat better, healthier vegetables. Our garden is basically two, 8ftx4ft plots, and there is plenty of food for the family. Even if you don’t have a back yard at all you can still plant a lot in pots. In fact, we plant some of our vegetables and herbs in pots so we can have them year round. Its cheap, its sustainable, its healthy, and its fun!

6. Compost and recycle. This is the easiest, and most neglected, way of going green in America. Most communities actually have a recycling program these days, and will even provide a recycling bin, and come and pick it up for you. It is a no brainer, and it helps the environment tremendously. Composting requires a little more effort, but not much. And if you plant that garden we just talked about, or if you have any kind of garden (flowers, lawn, etc.) it is a real benefit.

7. Go paper. Most grocery stores these days have paper bags. By packing your groceries in paper vs. plastic you are reducing the amount of plastic that is hanging around in landfills and in the ocean. Remember, plastic is not biodegradable, and will stick around for thousands of years… paper breaks down much more quickly. You are only going to use that bag for a few minutes, anyway. Be kind to the environment.

8. (If you have small children) use cloth diapers. The cloth diapers of today are not your grandmother’s cloth diapers. They are pre-fitted, and even snap on. Now I admit when my wife insisted on cloth I had visions of massive grossness. I was wrong. In fact, I find the cloth to be far less gross because the nastiness doesn’t hang around in the diaper genie for days until it gets thrown away. And, the chemicals and materials used in disposable diapers aren’t the best for the baby or the environment. Scarlet hates wearing anything but cloth, and we hate putting anything else on her. We save loads of money, have a happier and healthier baby (she has not had a single rash in 14 months… not one), and we aren’t dumping thousands of diapers each year into landfills.

9. Get rid of the chemicals. Believe it or not, you don’t need Clorox to be germ free. We made an amazing discovery about cleaning products about a year ago. Vinegar, baking soda, and lemons are really all you need to keep a sparkly clean and germ free house. I was skeptical at first, envisioning all kinds of nastiness, when we got rid of the commercial cleaners. But I don’t miss them at all, now. Again, we save a load of money, and we aren’t dumping toxic waste into the water table every time we clean.

10. Be proactive. These are just a handful of very easy and practical ways to go green. There is an absolute ton of information out there to learn more ways to live a more sustainable, healthy, and happier lifestyle. Check it out. You can save a ton of money, and do some good for your health and the environment at the same time.

Recently, I read an article on CNN.com that asked the question, “How rich is rich?”

This started to make me think about the question of “How much is enough?” If you recall, my very first post on this blog was about how we define success. In America, it seems to me that success is defined by material wealth. We place a great value on “what we do” (our job), where we live, what car we drive, and how “healthy” our 401k is. Many Americans are proud of the fact that we work 50, 60, or even more hours per week. Those who don’t work long hours are often perceived as unambitious, or even lazy.

In short, our work, and the material wealth it brings to us, becomes our identity. Don’t believe me? Try this: ask ten people to tell you who they are, and I’ll wager that at least eight of those ten people will tell you what they do; e.g. – I am Chris, and I am a lawyer; I am Lauren and I am in marketing, etc. etc.

Instead of talking about their family, hobbies, spirituality, or any of the things that truly define who a person really is, most of those you ask this question will focus on their job. I have conducted this experiment hundreds of times in seminars, social gatherings, and even at bars, and the trend is the same; people describe who they are in terms of their jobs.

What’s wrong with this?

I am not here to say that there is anything wrong with basing one’s identity on their job. We should take pride in our work, and when we truly enjoy what we do our work can bring joy and purpose to our lives.

My question is whether America’s work ethic is a result of the pure joy and purpose our jobs bring to our lives, or a matter of seeking to fulfill these needs with more toys. If you are working 50+ hours per week in a job you truly love, and one that brings meaning and fulfillment to your life, then perhaps you have found your path. On the other hand, if you are working simply to accumulate “more,” then maybe its time to take a step back and assess your life’s work.

Is the sacrifice worth “more?”

Part of this assessment is understanding what you may be sacrificing to gain “more.” When I speak of “more,” I mean more stuff; e.g. – more status, more money, a bigger house, a nicer car, a bigger TV… in other words, more material wealth. How much is it all worth?

Is it worth chronic stress, and the resulting mental and physical health problems? Is having “more” worth sacrificing a deeper relationship with family and friends? Is it worth not having the time to work on personal growth and development; e.g – reading a good book, meditating, exercising, learning?

Finally, is it worth never learning who you truly are? Is dedication to “the job,” and earning “more” worth surrendering your personal identity to the profession?

Only you can answer these questions.

So, how much is enough?

I’ll be honest. I like “stuff” as much as anybody. I understand the appeal of having “more.” I drive a BMW, have a pretty nice house, a purebred beagle, and like having money to go out to dinner occasionally. But, the question I regularly have to ask myself is how much is enough?

As with most things, I think the answer to this question (for me) is finding a balance between having a comfortable lifestyle while still maintaining the ability to continue on my path of learning and personal growth.

This is a balance that is sometimes very difficult to achieve. My wife will be the first to tell me that I try to do too much all at once. She provides some of the balance I need by being demanding when necessary. And for that I am grateful… even if not at the precise time she is being demanding!

Striking the balance

Here are some of my recommendations for striking a healthy balance:

Develop a plan. Understanding what is most important in your life is an essential first step in finding balance. You can’t get to balance if you don’t know what you want it to look like.

Developing a plan for a balanced life must start with some serious introspection. Meditation, therapy, talking with a mentor, or just sitting in quite contemplation of what it is that you want out of life for yourself and your family are ways to begin to clarify what is most important, and what balance looks like for you.

Develop a good support network. Having family and friends who value living a balanced lifestyle, and have shared goals and ideas, is a necessary part of keeping an even keel. As I mentioned, my wife is a great aid to me as I am one of those people who simply must achieve (aka, Type A personality).

Another great way to develop support networks is to subscribe to blogs (like this one!), or other local groups that promote healthy and balanced living. One of my favorite sites is Balance in Me, but there are dozens of others out there as well.

Start by taking small steps. For most people the move towards balance can seem daunting. After all, most employers would not understand your desire to work 10 fewer hours per week. And, the strain of simply quitting your day job may be too much for you, or your family, to handle. After all, the life you have built for yourself should not necessarily be simply tossed aside.

However, you can start making a transition to the balanced life you seek by working 1 or 2 fewer hours per week, designating a night each week for quality family time, or 20 minutes each day for personal development or exercise, etc. By building on these small steps you may be surprised how quickly your life can be transformed.

Revisit your plan and progress often. Let’s face it. Most people do not start out life seeking to become dissatisfied and imbalanced. Typically, imbalance results from ideas that are placed into our heads during school, like “Being an artist is a waste of time, choose a career you can make a lot of money at.” The next thing you know, you are climbing the corporate ladder, and before you know it you look down and wonder… “would I be happier as an artist?” Then the mid life crisis sets in…

So, the moral of the story here is to pay attention to your life. It is not a dress rehearsal. Periodically reflect on where you are at, and where you are going. A regular meditation schedule and an active support network can keep you on track.

All of us want success, however we define it. We may want to earn more money, have more free time, be more balanced, or beat our boss at golf (not the best career move, by the way…). But in many cases, achieving our goals – whatever they may be – requires effort, and may be challenging. After all, if achieving our goals was easy, we would have already achieved them all. And the reality is that most goals are never fully achieved.

Many people fail at achieving their goals because they try to achieve too much too fast. For instance, there are many people who want to “get into shape” after years of sitting on the sofa who start with the same workout routine they used when they were on the high school football team. Instead of getting back into shape, they end up demoralized, and possibly injured, because they went too hard too fast. A lot of our goals are like that. Another approach, and the one that most often works best, is to develop a plan that builds on small successes. This approach is known as scaffolding.

The essence of scaffolding

I remember my first day at the US Naval Academy as if it were today. After the Induction and Oath of Office, we were led into Bancroft Hall and thoroughly… “trained.” I distinctly recall thinking to myself that I could not possibly “train” this way for four years. But, having been through enlisted boot camp, and had similar thoughts (only replace “four years” with “eight weeks”), I remembered what one of our Company Commanders (aka Drill Instructors) at boot camp told us – take it one evolution at a time. And that’s what I learned to do, and that’s how I graduated both schools, finished 2 Masters degrees, and how I am working through a PhD… one evolution at a time. In other words, although I did not know the term at the time, I embraced the scaffolding approach to achievement.

Scaffolding is about focusing on the present task. This doesn’t imply that you should not plan ahead. Its good to think strategically about things. However, if you get too caught up in tomorrow’s tasks, you may not complete today’s tasks. In a sense, scaffolding can be related to living in the present. By focusing on the present task you are more likely to successfully complete it.

And by completing the present task you build confidence and momentum for future tasks. And this is the essence of scaffolding: small achievements build larger achievements.

The secret to achieving big goals (well… one of them, anyway)

In our society, where instant gratification is considered a virtue, it can be very difficult to just take life as one evolution at a time. Often times when we want to achieve something big, we want to achieve it now. Failure to exercise patience, and work towards achieving big goals one evolution at a time most often leads to failure. And, just as success breeds success, so does failure breed failure.

The best way to achieve big goals is to break them down into smaller, achievable tasks, and have the patience to accomplish each smaller task while maintaining focus on the end goal.

Sometimes life is challenging. To quote, with a few substitutions, a popular phrase of the 80’s… stuff and people happen. But have you noticed that despite all of this stuff and people happening, some people seem to move through life effortlessly, while others move through it as if they are climbing Mt Everest without the right equipment? I propose that both groups are subject to the same challenges, and the difference between the two groups is the way they respond to life’s challenges.

Making life easier…

So how do some people respond to life’s challenges, including difficult people, to make life easier for themselves and others? Here are a couple of ways…

1. Accept the challenges, don’t deny or fight them. One of the best ways to get a skull fracture, or at least a really bad headache, is to bash your head against a brick wall. Most people do not want either. So why do many people do exactly that when it comes to facing life’s challenges? Perhaps its confidence, or deep seated resentment stemming from past events, or maybe we just don’t know any better? Bottom line, we can make our lives, and the lives of those around us, much easier if we simply accept and take responsibility for meeting the challenges life sends our way. No amount of anger or denial will resolve most challenges. The quicker we can accept our situation the quicker we can work to change it for the better.

2. Automatic self-soothing. People who seemingly coast through life tend to be able to automatically sooth, or calm, themselves in the face of conflict or adversity. This is a behavior that can be learned, and can ultimately become automatic, in even those of us who tend to be a little more reactive. Using techniques such as meditation to calm the mind, breathing to relax in tense situations, recognizing when we start to get worked up, journaling to log “hot thoughts” (cognitive distortions), and even regular exercise and good dietary habits can all make a difference in anxiety levels and reactivity.

3. Assume a 3rd party perspective. People who personalize situations and problems have much higher stress and anxiety levels than those who don’t. They are also much less effective at navigating life’s problems as they are generally more easily overcome by emotions… in other words, they are more reactive and emotional, and less able to think through and resolve issues rationally and calmly. It is sometimes useful to disassociate from the event or problem, viewing it from a 3rd party perspective. In this way the situation may become less threatening, and you may be able to deflect some of the negative energy and avoid the tendency to take the situation personally. With practice you will get better at viewing problems from an objective third party perspective, and will become more effective at navigating life’s challenges.

4. Don’t confuse the problem with the person. Barring truly natural disasters such as hurricanes, earthquakes, etc., most of life’s problems are caused by people. These problems can be physical (car wrecks), interpersonal (you just don’t like him), or some kind of disagreement. When a person, including yourself, is the culprit you must separate the problem/opinion/situation from the person. The two are never the same, even when the person is acting like an ass. All people have inherent value, and good as well as bad qualities. Thus, if we can look at the person as having value as a human being, and focus on their good qualities, we can minimize the complexity of the problem. When we lump the two together we complicate the problem enormously by allowing interpersonal conflict and distorted thinking to enter the equation.

Learning to respond differently to life’s challenges is difficult and sometimes demoralizing. However, with concerted effort and some tenacity anybody can do so. And the payoffs are huge: better problem solving skills, improved adaptability, improved relationships, greater peace of mind and confidence, and much less stress. In short, life becomes more enjoyable.

Green living and sustainability is a hot topic these days. We are seeing real growth in non-fossil fuel based energy, an increasing number of hybrids are on the roads daily, and the number of “green” TV shows are growing. However, with its growing popularity, green living has also come under attack by some, saying its not practical, too expensive, and even a danger to our consumer way of life.

A few months ago my wife and I decided to dabble in green living. We took some simple steps, like using re-usable grocery bags at the stores, cutting back on buying items with eco-damaging packaging, hanging clothes out to dry instead of using the dryer, switching to cloth diapers for our baby, making some of our own cleaning supplies using household products, and (of course) recycling everything we could. We have even refused to run the air conditioning so far, which seems radical to our neighbors here in central Texas…

I will admit, I thought this would be a phase, and my wife would be screaming to use the dryer and stop making her own cleaning supplies within weeks. I silently predicted that the house would be overrun by infectious diseases once we started using cloth diapers… not to mention the very notion of changing and washing a cloth diaper seemed, well, gross. In summary, I thought living green would be a pain in the rear end, and that we would somehow end up paying more money for the privilege of the inconvenience.

The results so far have been shocking to me.

Financial benefits. By our accounting, we have saved approximately $140 each month in utilities (water, gas, electricity), by changing what we bought at the grocery store, and by (gasp) walking more than driving.

If we wanted to, we could actually stop our trash collection services and use only recycling since we are now putting out only a single regular sized bag of garbage every two weeks. That would save us another $50 each month.

Health benefits. Green living encourages healthy eating and a more active lifestyle. I personally have also lost 16lbs (yes, SIXTEEN) by eating more healthy foods and walking more. My wife states she has lost 9lbs. Both of us have more energy than ever, and there is far less tension in the house because we are both happier people.

In fact, we both feel so good we have recently started exercising as well.

Relationship benefits. I believe our move to green has improved our relationship. Although going green was my wife’s idea, and I was initially somewhat skeptical, the common goal of finding ways to live better has drawn us closer. We spend more time together coming up with ideas on how to improve our lifestyles, and work compromises when the ideas get a little crazy.

In short, we are both enjoying the experience, and enjoying working together on the project. I suspect that once we start our garden and composting this will turn into another family bonding experience as well.

Our green future. Let’s be clear. Neither my wife nor I are “green freaks.” Neither of us grew up on a farm. I personally do not even believe that we can, or should, “stop” global warming, nor do I even believe we are the cause of it… but that is a topic for another post…

However, we both feel an obligation to be good tenants of the planet. And, we have both decided that the simpler life is, the better. After living a greener lifestyle over the past 3 months, we can honestly say that neither of us feels inconvenienced by the changes. In fact, we are planning on moving to Phase 2 – which will mean going vegetarian for 5 days out of the week, starting a vegetable garden, composting, and making even more cleaning products on our own.

Someday we even hope to build our own home with environmentally friendly materials and run it on solar and geothermal energy. The home will also have a well and rain collection tanks for water. We will effectively be “off the grid.” The financial benefits should amount to over $600 extra per month in utility and maintenance savings. My research shows me that the building of the house itself, if done properly, will also yield significant savings over a traditional build.

All that being said, I am not yet ready to give up my SUV and move to a commune. I enjoy civilization, and am becoming aware that living in a low impact, environmentally responsible way does not conflict with living a civilized and sociable life.

So, the bottom line, based on our experience and research over the past 3 months is that the claims of living green being too expensive and impractical are patently false. The financial benefits alone make it worth doing. However, we have noticed other benefits as well in terms of improvements in our lifestyle, relationship and health. We feel more connected and responsible for living a greener lifestyle. I invite you to try it. Even small changes can make a big difference!

Life is stressful… and it always has been. The human species has always faced danger. Let’s face it, we cannot outrun most of those predators that would make a meal of us, nor are we physically strong enough to win against them in hand to tooth and claw combat. Nature has not always been kind to humans, either. Feast or famine have been a way of life for humans since the beginning of time. So our early ancestors had plenty of stress to deal with. Luckily, we humans have been endowed with the ability to think and create to combat our relative physical weakness, and to adapt to the challenges of nature and our environment.

This ability to adapt has enabled us as a species to grow and create a new world where many of the physical and environmental dangers our ancestors faced are of little concern to the average human being… at least in modernized nations. The average human being in modern society does not have to worry too much about being eaten by a tiger, for instance. However, as we have progressed as a species and as a civilization we have created new, and perhaps more daunting, dangers and challenges.

Aside from the global challenges of war, global warming, and corporate globalization, there are new and equally dangerous individual and regional challenges as well. And these new challenges have a profound impact on our individual and societal health. For this blog post I will focus on humans as individuals, not on society as a whole as we don’t have nearly enough room for that!

So what is success, and how does it relate to sabre tooth tigers?

Most of us, particularly in Western countries… and I would argue, especially in the US… have defined success in terms of how much money we earn, how many “things” we possess, and/or how much status we achieve. To achieve this success we typically work long hours, and sometimes in jobs or for people that we really do not like. The effect of adhering to such a definition of success can be deadly.

How? Two words: chronic stress. And in many ways, chronic stress is more dangerous than that sabre tooth tiger our ancestors had to deal with. The reason is that our early ancestors were equipped with tools and intellect to deal with the tiger. Once the threat was dealt with, the stress of the encounter was pretty much over… or you were dead.

However, today’s stressors are not as cut and dry. They linger, sometimes (often) for decades. The effect of chronic stress is devastating to both the human body and the human mind. Medical research has linked dozens of fatal and chronic diseases to stress. In fact, data shows that 75-90% of all family doctor visits are stress related, over 20% of healthcare claims are stress related, and over half of deaths of Americans over the age of 65 are… you guessed it… stress related.

And that’s only the medical side of the equation. Chronic stress also takes a real toll on our mental health. Numerous mental illnesses, such as an array of anxiety disorders, mood disorders, and addictions are typically associated with stress. Even those who do not develop serious mental illness still suffer from chronic stress through deteriorating or underdeveloped relationships, lack of healthy social supports, or just time to self-reflect and grow as people. Often times we are too focused on making enough money to pay rent, or getting that next promotion, to attend to these needs. The damaging effects of chronic stress on our mental well-being is every bit as dangerous as the physical damage.

So what can we do? We gotta pay the rent, right?

There are a lot of things we can do to minimize or eliminate success driven chronic stress.

First, we can rethink our definition of success. What is more important, the new car, promotion, a large bank account, or healthy, strong relationships, a happy and healthy life. It is entirely possible to have it all… if you have reasonable criteria for what having it all means. My personal opinion is that there can and must be a balance.

Second, get a career you love. If work doesn’t seem like work at all, then by definition it will not cause you as much stress. Again, there may be (but not necessarily) trade offs between doing what you love and doing what brings in six figures. The real question is the six figure income worth the sacrifice.

Third, develop a healthy lifestyle. Begin an exercise program, eat healthy foods, and take time out to self reflect and distress. All of these activities are great stress busters, and may even help you make healthy decisions about other aspects of your life.

Fourth, make time for relationship and for play. Developing great social and family networks are fundamental to our emotional and mental well-being. Humans, even the most introverted of us, are social beings. We need support, and without support networks (family and friends) we can develop serious mental illness. Family and friends provide us support, guidance, and a sense of belonging that is fundamental to our emotional health. Having good support networks is a great counter to chronic stress.

Fifth, develop the habit of positive thinking. One of the unique things about humans is that we are the only species that can create emotional responses by just thinking about a situation. That means that even when we are at home or on vacation, we can take the stress of work with us if we keep pondering the challenges we left on our desk. It also means that the way we think about that work, or anything else, determines whether or not we have a stress response to it.

One way to avoid carrying stress around with us is to change how we think about our work, or about any other stressor. Instead of dwelling on the dangers and negatives, learn to dwell on the positives. Developing this habit can literally change your brain chemistry, and make you a happier and more effective person.

Regardless of how you deal with chronic stress, one thing you must realize is that if it is left unprocessed it does not go away. So even if you are the kind of person who is able to manage your stress related emotional reactions, or take on a great deal of stress and still function, this does not mean you are immune to the effects of chronic stress. The problem is, stress is additive. While you may have a high threshold for stress, eventually it will catch up to you. Best to take steps to drain off some of that stress related negative energy before it boils over.

Take responsibility for your own happiness. Stop blaming others or events. Happiness comes from within. Once you accept the you will gain control over your own happiness. (Knowing is not accepting, by the way).

A good friend of mine said something to me that really struck a chord. We were talking about the nature of reality, and about how we create our own realities through the ways we perceive the world around us. The statement she made was, “I believe all time and reality exists in the moment.” I thought, “Wow…” When you really think about it, the only real existence is what is around us at any given moment in time. It is the “right now.”

The past does not really “exist” because it is in the past. The future cannot “exist” because it has not yet formed. So the only thing, the only reality, we are left with is in the now.

But how do we actually deal with the moment? Most of us are constantly looking to the past, or to the future, to define our realities. The results are often anxiety, depression, stress, or other negative emotional states. Often times we are so focused on either the past or the future, that we become totally unaware of the moment. We are simply not Present.

What does it mean to be Present?

In Zen, satori is a moment of Presence, a moment of simply Being… of totally living in the present moment in time, without the clutter of the mind, the anxiety about the future, depression about the past. It is a moment of understanding and of complete Awareness, without judgment or emotion. Being Present is about acceptance and release.

When we are Present in the moment we are able to relate to ourselves, our environment and to others around us on a much deeper level than when we are preoccupied with what has happened in the past, or what may happen in the future.

As an example, think of a special moment when you and another have been totally immersed in a conversation, event, or other activity. When all of your thoughts and energy were totally dedicated to that person, event, or other activity at a particular moment in time. Really relive that experience in your mind, and think about the connection you had at that moment.

Now contrast that with a time when you approached another person about an important issue, and the person spoke to you about it, but while he or she was discussing the topic with you they were also reading emails, checking their Blackberry, or otherwise pre-occupied. How deep was the connection, the understanding? How did you feel about the situation? What was your internal reaction? How much was actually accomplished?

In the first example you are approaching what it means to be Present. These experiences are often described as magical, intense, fulfilling… In the second example you are far removed from Presence in the activity, and it is likely that you felt several negative feelings, and probably very little was accomplished.

Another example of Presence is what is often referred to as “being in the zone.” Its that moment when all of your focus, all of your energy, all of your attention are given to that single moment in time. There is no past, or future. Only the moment. There is no judging, no labeling… just what is. This intense relationship with the moment is the very reason we are much more effective when we are “in the zone.”

The importance of Presence

When we are not living in the Present we are rarely, if ever, accepting the world around us. The result is unhappiness and distorted perception in some form or other. When we do not accept the world around us, we build up emotional baggage that forces us to view the present and the future through tainted eyes. Thus our map of reality is tainted and inaccurate, limiting our ability to respond appropriately to our environment and succeed in the world. In extreme cases this can lead to severe emotional or psychological illness, or even manifest in stress related physical illness.

To be Present does not mean to give up on planning for the future, or learning from the past. The objective is to not become obsessed with the past or future, and to realize that the past is only a conglomeration of moments in time, as the future will also be when it comes. If you never live in the Present, you can never really learn from the past or fulfill future plans. As Eckhart Tolle puts it: “If your relationship with the Now is dysfunctional, that dysfunction will be reflected in every relationship and situation you encounter.”

One of the most challenging and rewarding accomplishments we can achieve is finding our own voice, or finding our own identity. We are constantly bombarded by the expectations of others, whether they are through cultural conditioning, family expectations, peer pressure, or the even the media.

We are expected to be a certain way, to adopt certain values, to view the world from a particular perspective, etc. etc. etc. And to make things even more challenging, these expectations are often contradictory. For instance, our society places value on individualism, yet we are encouraged to be team players at work. We say that we value progress, but we fight hard against change. We claim to value diversity, yet we generally socialize and interact with those that are most like ourselves.

So in the face of the external expectations and their contradictions, how do we actually establish our own voice? And why even bother? Why not “go along to get along?”

The importance of self identity

Establishing self identity is fundamental to becoming a mentally healthy and independent person. While it is important to be open to positive influences from outside oneself, it is equally important to be able to determine which of those influences are indeed positive and aligned with ones own values.

When a person has a strong sense of self he or she is less prone to negative influences by peers and the development of destructive habits such as addiction, negative self talk, volatility, engaging in negative relationships, etc. The resulting ability to choose for oneself his or her own values, how to act and how to interpret to one’s environment is a prerequisite for finding one’s own purpose in life. And finding purpose is the precursor to finding happiness despite one’s environment.

Think about it. Think about the people who are the happiest. They are typically those who follow their own paths and are doing the things they enjoy the most. They have cast away the definitions of success that our society teaches them. They define success in their own ways, in accordance with their own values.

Whereas when you look at the average 9-5er sitting in cubicle, or even an office, you don’t often see a happy person. You see a person striving to meet societies standards for success, to achieve the things that he or she is “supposed” to achieve.

There are exceptions, of course. Jack Welch looks pretty content. He seems to have found his calling at GE… but I would suggest it is not the money that made him happy, but the thrill of building GE into one of the largest and most successful businesses in the world.

Now think about all of the people you know who chose to start smoking, or doing drugs, or worse, in high school because they wanted to fit in, or be “cool.” How many of those people, now adults, deeply regret their addictions and would give almost anything to be free of them?

When we do not have a strong sense of self identity – when we don’t have our own voice – we are often lead down paths that we later regret, and sometimes it is very difficult to go back and correct our course.

Steps to take to find your own voice

Finding your own voice begins with self reflection and self awareness. Here are some activities that can help you begin the process.

Run a diagnostic. take stock of where you are at in life –right now. Look deep inside and ask yourself if you are on the right path. Are you fulfilled in your life? Are you truly happy? Why or why not? Are you living your dream, as opposed to a dream created for you by someone else?

Examine your core values. Which values are actually your own, and which have been handed down to you by others, such as your family, friends, or school? Do the values that have been handed down to you truly resonate with you? Do they make sense? What purpose or role do they serve in your life? Can you truly strive to live by them?

Make a plan. If your life is not perfect (which it usually is not), what could you do to make it better? Using the Well-Formed Outcome exercise is often helpful in clarifying goals and plans.

Take action. What steps can you take, today, that will set you towards the right path? Again, the Well-Formed Outcomes exercise may help.

Repeat regularly. Finding your own voice, and personal development in general, is not a one time activity. It is an ongoing process. Continuously evaluating your life, improving your self awareness, understanding your values, and establishing goals that fulfill you is a life long endeavor. It is a journey.

Sometimes I am asked, “what is the difference between meditation and self-hypnosis?” 

The best way to answer that question is by comparing two examples.

Let’s use John for our first example. 

John is an over achiever.  He is goal-oriented and always puts the mission first… even at the expense of relationships with his co-workers. 

John is not stupid, though.  He knows it’s important to get along with others at work.  He also knows that his focus on meeting his goals sometimes comes across as arrogance, or like he doesn’t really care about other’s opinions or feelings.

John wants to change the way he comes across to others, but still wants to meet his goals.  He realizes that he won’t be promoted unless he can do both.

So, John visits a hypnotherapist and tells her his story.  They talk about his goals and she recommends that he learn to hypnotize himself so that he can work to change the way he views achievement and relationships with others. 

The hypnotherapist teaches John how to hypnotize himself and guides him through the first session. 

When John gets home that night he decides to try it out. He begins by relaxing as much as he can on his couch.  He closes his eyes and begins to breathe slowly and deeply, counting each breath. 

As he breathes slowly and deeply, he lets himself notice his muscles relaxing.  After about ten slow, deep breaths he feels very relaxed… almost as if he is floating over the couch.

John then imagines a warm glow above his head, and begins watching the glow move into and through his body… first the crown, then temple… eyes… chin… and down the neck… to the shoulders and back…

The glow continues to each major part of the body until it’s flowing everywhere.

Now John is in a deep trance and can go to work.

John begins talking to his subconscious mind.  He states that he knows that he is very good at his job and can achieve any goal… and that he can do so while making the people around him feel good.  He knows that he can recognize the importance of working with people to achieve goals, and that he is great at team building! 

He affirms these strengths over and over again, and imagines himself achieving his goals and sharing the victories with his co-workers.

After realizing that he can both achieve his goals while building strong relationships at work he allows himself to slowly come out of his trance, feeling totally energized and feeling very confident.

As John repeats this self-hypnosis exercise and affirmations each day he notices that his performance at work and his relationships with his co-workers steadily improve. 

He finds it easy and fun to ask questions and opinions, and accept help from his co-workers.  And they love working with him and helping him.  Most go out of their way to help John achieve his goals. 

His boss notices the changes and John gets that promotion!

Now let’s talk about Jane…

Jane is a good performer at work, just like John.  She has also just been promoted.  But Jane, unlike John, has never really had a problem building relationships at work.  In fact, she has always solved problems and achieved her goals through building teamwork. 

The problem now is that Jane’s new assignment is confidential, so she can’t really ask for others for opinions or help… she has to do it alone.

Jane has all of the experience and the skills she needs to do her new job very well.  Her boss knows this, which is why he gave her the assignment.  But Jane needs to build her confidence and unlock those resources.

She speaks to one of her mentors, someone she respects and often goes to for advice.  She can’t ask her mentor for advice on the specific job because she can’t tell anybody what she is doing.  But she does explain that she will be without her team for the first time, and that she is very nervous.

Her mentor suggests that she meditate daily on the problem and let the answers she needs come to her. 

Jane knows how to meditate.  She does it regularly to relax after a tough workout, or when she has had a long day at work.

When she gets back to her office she shuts the door and hangs a “Meeting in Progress” sign outside. 

She sits in her comfortable leather chair, closes her eyes, and begins breathing slowly and deeply… in through the nose, and out through the mouth… until she feels herself relax.

Jane begins to count her breaths.  She notices that as she is breathing thoughts and worries begin to flood her mind… what if she can’t do what she needs to, what if her friends and colleagues think she is being a snob because she can’t talk to them about her new assignment… what if… what if… 

But as these thoughts rush into her mind, Jane simply lets them pass.  She does not judge them, or dwell on them… she just watches them drift through her mind like passing clouds until they disappear…

She continues to focus on her breathing until she feels like she is floating on air.  She knows she is in a deep trance.  

She does not worry about the thoughts that continue to float through her mind.  Her subconscious is aware of them and will provide the answers to her worries and problems.

After meditating for about 15 minutes, Jane slowly opens her eyes feeling more confident than ever.  She knows that she has built lasting relationships and trust at work, and that her co-workers will know she is not ignoring them, but just focusing on an important job.

She also realizes that while she has built strong relationships and teams, that she has given at least as many answers as she has received when working on tough projects… and she is ready for this one…

So what’s the difference?

Both self-hypnosis and meditation can be used to unlock the resources of the subconscious mind. 

Both rely on trance to allow the conscious you, and the subconscious you, to speak to each other.

Both are very powerful for finding answers and resources you do not know you have. 

Both can be used for relaxation, confidence building, improving performance at work, at sports, or anywhere else for that matter.

In my opinion, the only difference between self-hypnosis and meditation is in the “packaging.”  Meditation is most often associated with religion, or the martial arts, or some other metaphysical or mystical thing. Although meditation is used by priests, monks, martial artists and the like, it is really very practical and is also used by many who have no interest in those things.

When we think of self-hypnosis we normally do not think of monks or priests.  Usually we think of people staring into spinning wheels or flashing lights.  And these sorts of tools are very useful for inducing trance… but not necessary.

The reality is that both self-hypnosis and meditation are very similar in practice, both are very practical, and both are almost identical in their results. 

Both use trance to unlock subconscious resources and open channels of communication between the conscious and subconscious minds.

So what’s the difference, then?

So I guess I am saying that in my opinion… there really isn’t much of a “technical” difference at all.  But, there is a difference in practice. 

When we make use of self-hypnosis or meditation we are most often in what is known as the Alpha state, which refers to a specific range of frequencies our brain waves are in.  The Alpha state is the first state between sleep and wakefulness, and is where our subconscious minds become most accessible.  In common terms, when we are in an Alpha state we are in a trance. 

When we are in a deep trance we may even enter into the Theta state, which is the state following Alpha that places us closer to deep sleep.  Theta is really a “twighlight” period, where we are not fully asleep, but not fully awake.  This is where daydreams generally occur.

But if I were to try and the distinguish the two I suppose I would say that self-hypnosis is more active and goal oriented.  When we make use of self-hypnosis we are generally doing so with a specific purpose and plan.  We are actively seeking to communicate something to or learn something from our subconscious mind.  The communication is often two way communication.

In meditation we are often seeking to let go of our conscious mind.  A common goal of meditation is to attempt to clear the mind of conscious thought and live “in the moment.”  In doing so we learn to accept our circumstances more easily and reduce stress in our lives.  The result is that we may often see our situation from different perspectives as we let go of judgment and bias.  By letting the things that color our perceptions go we can address our problems or challenges with more creativity and perspective.  The aspect of “letting go” and accepting implies that the communication between the conscious mind and unconscious mind is “one-way,” with minimal inputs from the conscious mind.

So which one is best?

Both self-hypnosis and meditation are equally powerful methods of accessing the subconscious mind.  Generally, I use self-hypnosis when I am seeking to accomplish something specific, such as changing a bad habit, achieving a specific goal, etc. 

Meditation for me is a regular practice intended to teach myself perspective, how to live in the moment, and how to reduce stress in my life. 

I recommend that my clients make use of both of these powerful tools for releasing the power of the subconscious mind.