The secret to hapiness…

Take responsibility for your own happiness. Stop blaming others or events. Happiness comes from within. Once you accept the you will gain control over your own happiness. (Knowing is not accepting, by the way).

The importance of living in the present

A good friend of mine said something to me that really struck a chord. We were talking about the nature of reality, and about how we create our own realities through the ways we perceive the world around us. The statement she made was, “I believe all time and reality exists in the moment.” I thought, “Wow…” When you really think about it, the only real existence is what is around us at any given moment in time. It is the “right now.”

The past does not really “exist” because it is in the past. The future cannot “exist” because it has not yet formed. So the only thing, the only reality, we are left with is in the now. Read more..

Finding your own voice

One of the most challenging and rewarding accomplishments we can achieve is finding our own voice, or finding our own identity. We are constantly bombarded by the expectations of others, whether they are through cultural conditioning, family expectations, peer pressure, or the even the media.

We are expected to be a certain way, to adopt certain values, to view the world from a particular perspective, etc. etc. etc. And to make things even more challenging, these expectations are often contradictory. For instance, our society places value on individualism, yet we are encouraged to be team players at work. We say that we value progress, but we fight hard against change. We claim to value diversity, yet we generally socialize and interact with those that are most like ourselves. Read more..

Is there a difference between meditation and self-hypnosis?

Sometimes I am asked, “what is the difference between meditation and self-hypnosis?” 

The best way to answer that question is by comparing two examples.

Let’s use John for our first example. 

John is an over achiever.  He is goal-oriented and always puts the mission first… even at the expense of relationships with his co-workers. 

John is not stupid, though.  He knows it’s important to get along with others at work.  He also knows that his focus on meeting his goals sometimes comes across as arrogance, or like he doesn’t really care about other’s opinions or feelings.

John wants to change the way he comes across to others, but still wants to meet his goals.  He realizes that he won’t be promoted unless he can do both.

So, John visits a hypnotherapist and tells her his story.  They talk about his goals and she recommends that he learn to hypnotize himself so that he can work to change the way he views achievement and relationships with others. 

The hypnotherapist teaches John how to hypnotize himself and guides him through the first session. 

When John gets home that night he decides to try it out. He begins by relaxing as much as he can on his couch.  He closes his eyes and begins to breathe slowly and deeply, counting each breath. 

As he breathes slowly and deeply, he lets himself notice his muscles relaxing.  After about ten slow, deep breaths he feels very relaxed… almost as if he is floating over the couch.

John then imagines a warm glow above his head, and begins watching the glow move into and through his body… first the crown, then temple… eyes… chin… and down the neck… to the shoulders and back…

The glow continues to each major part of the body until it’s flowing everywhere.

Now John is in a deep trance and can go to work.

John begins talking to his subconscious mind.  He states that he knows that he is very good at his job and can achieve any goal… and that he can do so while making the people around him feel good.  He knows that he can recognize the importance of working with people to achieve goals, and that he is great at team building! 

He affirms these strengths over and over again, and imagines himself achieving his goals and sharing the victories with his co-workers.

After realizing that he can both achieve his goals while building strong relationships at work he allows himself to slowly come out of his trance, feeling totally energized and feeling very confident.

As John repeats this self-hypnosis exercise and affirmations each day he notices that his performance at work and his relationships with his co-workers steadily improve. 

He finds it easy and fun to ask questions and opinions, and accept help from his co-workers.  And they love working with him and helping him.  Most go out of their way to help John achieve his goals. 

His boss notices the changes and John gets that promotion!

Now let’s talk about Jane…

Jane is a good performer at work, just like John.  She has also just been promoted.  But Jane, unlike John, has never really had a problem building relationships at work.  In fact, she has always solved problems and achieved her goals through building teamwork. 

The problem now is that Jane’s new assignment is confidential, so she can’t really ask for others for opinions or help… she has to do it alone.

Jane has all of the experience and the skills she needs to do her new job very well.  Her boss knows this, which is why he gave her the assignment.  But Jane needs to build her confidence and unlock those resources.

She speaks to one of her mentors, someone she respects and often goes to for advice.  She can’t ask her mentor for advice on the specific job because she can’t tell anybody what she is doing.  But she does explain that she will be without her team for the first time, and that she is very nervous.

Her mentor suggests that she meditate daily on the problem and let the answers she needs come to her. 

Jane knows how to meditate.  She does it regularly to relax after a tough workout, or when she has had a long day at work.

When she gets back to her office she shuts the door and hangs a “Meeting in Progress” sign outside. 

She sits in her comfortable leather chair, closes her eyes, and begins breathing slowly and deeply… in through the nose, and out through the mouth… until she feels herself relax.

Jane begins to count her breaths.  She notices that as she is breathing thoughts and worries begin to flood her mind… what if she can’t do what she needs to, what if her friends and colleagues think she is being a snob because she can’t talk to them about her new assignment… what if… what if… 

But as these thoughts rush into her mind, Jane simply lets them pass.  She does not judge them, or dwell on them… she just watches them drift through her mind like passing clouds until they disappear…

She continues to focus on her breathing until she feels like she is floating on air.  She knows she is in a deep trance.  

She does not worry about the thoughts that continue to float through her mind.  Her subconscious is aware of them and will provide the answers to her worries and problems.

After meditating for about 15 minutes, Jane slowly opens her eyes feeling more confident than ever.  She knows that she has built lasting relationships and trust at work, and that her co-workers will know she is not ignoring them, but just focusing on an important job.

She also realizes that while she has built strong relationships and teams, that she has given at least as many answers as she has received when working on tough projects… and she is ready for this one…

So what’s the difference?

Both self-hypnosis and meditation can be used to unlock the resources of the subconscious mind. 

Both rely on trance to allow the conscious you, and the subconscious you, to speak to each other.

Both are very powerful for finding answers and resources you do not know you have. 

Both can be used for relaxation, confidence building, improving performance at work, at sports, or anywhere else for that matter.

In my opinion, the only difference between self-hypnosis and meditation is in the “packaging.”  Meditation is most often associated with religion, or the martial arts, or some other metaphysical or mystical thing. Although meditation is used by priests, monks, martial artists and the like, it is really very practical and is also used by many who have no interest in those things.

When we think of self-hypnosis we normally do not think of monks or priests.  Usually we think of people staring into spinning wheels or flashing lights.  And these sorts of tools are very useful for inducing trance… but not necessary.

The reality is that both self-hypnosis and meditation are very similar in practice, both are very practical, and both are almost identical in their results. 

Both use trance to unlock subconscious resources and open channels of communication between the conscious and subconscious minds.

So what’s the difference, then?

So I guess I am saying that in my opinion… there really isn’t much of a “technical” difference at all.  But, there is a difference in practice. 

When we make use of self-hypnosis or meditation we are most often in what is known as the Alpha state, which refers to a specific range of frequencies our brain waves are in.  The Alpha state is the first state between sleep and wakefulness, and is where our subconscious minds become most accessible.  In common terms, when we are in an Alpha state we are in a trance. 

When we are in a deep trance we may even enter into the Theta state, which is the state following Alpha that places us closer to deep sleep.  Theta is really a “twighlight” period, where we are not fully asleep, but not fully awake.  This is where daydreams generally occur.

But if I were to try and the distinguish the two I suppose I would say that self-hypnosis is more active and goal oriented.  When we make use of self-hypnosis we are generally doing so with a specific purpose and plan.  We are actively seeking to communicate something to or learn something from our subconscious mind.  The communication is often two way communication.

In meditation we are often seeking to let go of our conscious mind.  A common goal of meditation is to attempt to clear the mind of conscious thought and live “in the moment.”  In doing so we learn to accept our circumstances more easily and reduce stress in our lives.  The result is that we may often see our situation from different perspectives as we let go of judgment and bias.  By letting the things that color our perceptions go we can address our problems or challenges with more creativity and perspective.  The aspect of “letting go” and accepting implies that the communication between the conscious mind and unconscious mind is “one-way,” with minimal inputs from the conscious mind.

So which one is best?

Both self-hypnosis and meditation are equally powerful methods of accessing the subconscious mind.  Generally, I use self-hypnosis when I am seeking to accomplish something specific, such as changing a bad habit, achieving a specific goal, etc. 

Meditation for me is a regular practice intended to teach myself perspective, how to live in the moment, and how to reduce stress in my life. 

I recommend that my clients make use of both of these powerful tools for releasing the power of the subconscious mind.

7 secrets of self-motivation

Written by Diane Lowther of Brilliant Minds
(http://www.brilliantminds.net)

1. All motivation is self-motivation. Nobody else can motivate you. What they can do, however, is either support or distract from your own motivational process. Notice whose style adds to your self-motivation and who gets in the way of it. Consider coaching some of the key people in your life in how to enhance your self-motivation or in how not to derail your motivation
2. Very few people can perform at their best all day. Keep track of the times of day when you are mentally most alert, when you are most communicative and when you are most creative. Wherever possible plan to spend time doing the kind of task that comes easily at that time. This avoids wasting energy to motivate yourself to go against your natural inclinations. Read more..

Importance of self care for success – 10 things you can do to eliminate stress right now

One of the things I am constantly working on for myself is self-care. What do I mean by self-care, you ask? Well, exactly what it sounds like. Self-care means finding ways to take care of yourself emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

Why is self care important?
People who do not take care of themselves, myself included, eventually become overwhelmed by stress. Some people call this “burnout.” Whatever you call it the effects are the same for most of us. We become irritable, fatigued, unable to concentrate on our work, maybe depressed, anxious, generally dissatisfied with life… and utterly ineffective. Read more..

Where to find a mentor

So you now know what mentors can do for you, and what to look for in a mentor, now we will talk about where to find a mentor.

Finding a mentor can be a daunting prospect for those who have not already actively sought a mentor before. But take heart, unless you have been living in isolation all of your life, you have had mentors in the past. They could have been teachers, coaches, friends, or your parents! So put the fear and trepidation behind you and go out and find those people whom you respect and feel could be good advocates, coaches and support for your in pursuing your career and life goals. Read more..

What to look for in a mentor

In the first article of the mentoring series, Mentors, we talked about the value of having a network of mentors you can tap to better your personal and professional life. Now we will talk about what you should look for in a mentor.

There are many types of mentors. There are peer mentors, or mentors of equal status or rank, who exchange information or advice amongst each other. This type of mentoring relationship works on the basis of reciprocity. When actively pursuing this type of mentoring relationship, the most important factor is trust, both in terms of trustworthiness, and in terms of trusting the expertise or judgment of the perspective mentor. These types of mentors are often easiest to find, and the relationships are usually informal. Read more..

Mentors

A good friend of mine contacted me the other day to let me know that he had been promoted to a senior management position in his company. Of course I was happy for him. After all, I hired him into the company, and was his boss for many years. I enjoyed working with him and it is easy to understand why he has succeeded in his goals so far. He is good with people, has sound judgment, is energetic, a quick learner and is considered by his peers and bosses to be a subject matter expert.

Not only was I happy for him, but a bit proud of myself if I am honest. His success validated not only my judgment, but also the advice I have given him since I left the company in pursuit of other opportunities. And one of the most valuable pieces of advice I gave him was to develop a network of mentors who could help him navigate through the treacherous waters of corporate advancement. Read more..

How to overcome negative thinking

We all have our moments when we have bizarre or irrational thoughts. For most of us, this sort of distorted thinking usually happens when we are in intense or emotional situations, like when we are angry, sad, excited, etc.

Logically, we would assume that since our thoughts tend to become more emotional as we become more emotional, that the emotion is the cause of the thoughts. However, research has showed us that this is not the case. In fact, every emotion or feeling you have is a result of your thoughts, or how you speak to yourself inside your own mind.

So if your self-talk is negative or depressing, your mood will become depressed. If it is positive and encouraging, your mood will be positive and encouraging. So why do we have negative thoughts at all, if they are the cause of our negative feelings and emotions? Good question. Some experts point to complex neurochemical interactions in the brain, others to environmental influences, others to the foods we eat… In my view, the cause is a combination of all of these things, and others. Read more..

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