Integrity is another of those slippery concepts, much like “character.” When people talk about integrity, they often do so in the context of being honest. This is certainly an aspect of integrity.

However, this honesty extends beyond telling the truth to others. More importantly, integrity means being truthful with ourselves. For the purposes of this post, I will refer to this kind of truth as internal integrity, although there really is no separating being truthful to oneself, and being truthful to others.

Being truthful to oneself may seem easy – almost automatic – but I suggest that most of use are in fact big fat liars when it comes to internal integrity. The majority of people in the world, or at least in modern, industrialized nations, are very much out of touch with who they really are. How can somebody possess internal integrity if they are living a life that others dictate for them?

What do I mean? Since early childhood we are conditioned to follow social and moral rules. Don’t get me wrong, many (most?) of these rules are absolutely good and necessary to maintain peaceful society. But others serve only to stifle personal development, and more specifically, growing to be the persons that we really are.

For instance, society’s (at least our society’s) rules for success are roughly: obey all rules, hang out with the right people, do well in school, go to college, get a great (e.g. – high paying) job, etc. And even after we do all of that, more rules still apply: conform with company policies, fit in to corporate culture, network with the right people, climb the company ladder, make even more money… That is how society defines success.

In short, we are brought up to conform to societal norms and succeed by society’s standards, not to “find our true selves.” In fact, in the U.S. taking time out from the path of “success” to “find oneself” is considered by most to be rather flaky.

Many people are so disconnected with who they are, so entrenched in living the life society expects them to live, that this whole notion of being one’s true self is beyond comprehension.

But in order to possess integrity, one must do exactly that. How can someone have integrity if they are being who and what society wants them to be, and not being their true selves? In essence, they are lying to themselves, and often are unaware that they are doing so.

Being our true selves

So what does it mean to be one’s true self? I propose that being one’s true self means being aware of, and acting in a way that is aligned with, ones inner self. That is to say, having a deep understanding of one’s own thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and values, and acting in a manner that is consistent with them.

In a nutshell, being oneself means acting and being on the outside the way we actually are on the inside. To do otherwise is a lie.

Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said that the deepest form of despair is to “choose to be another than himself.” In essence, to be someone who lacks integrity. Someone who acts in a manner that contradicts his true being.

Kiergegaard goes on to hypothesize that being ones true self is the deepest responsibility of a person.

Learning to first understand who we really are, then to live that way, is the goal of personal development.

It requires staring hard at our internal states, emotions, and thoughts – regardless of how turbulent they may be, and reconciling them with values that are truly our own (not dictated by society). It requires knowing ourselves in a deep way – knowing our own strengths and limitations, and accepting both with unconditional positive regard.

When we try to deny these things about ourselves, or struggle against them, we are living without integrity.

This does not mean that we should not seek to improve. One of the paradoxes about acceptance is that great personal growth often comes when we accept things we do not like or understand. This acceptance often actually results in change, while struggling against who we really are results in pain and stagnation.

This website has a number of posts that talk about the “how’s” of personal reflection and growth, so I won’t get in to them, here. But I encourage all of my readers to think about the meaning of integrity, and think about how closely aligned their life is with who they really are.

Carl Rogers, the famous humanistic psychotherapist, said that the #1 question every single one of his clients struggled to answer was “who am I? Really?” According to Rogers, to not know, or to know and not act accordingly, is the largest source of psychological suffering.

Although I love YouTube, and there is a ton of great content on it, I typically do not republish. However, this video is an exception. It is beautiful in its simplicity and power.

What do you think?

Character is a slippery topic. Do a Google search on character and you will find dozens of different definitions and concepts of character. Many of these focus on moral qualities, such as trustworthiness, honesty, loyalty, courage, etc. But these qualities, while they may contribute to character, do not really capture the essence of what having character actually means. After all, each of these qualities are highly subjective; for instance, what it means to have courage to one person or culture may be entirely different to another. And loyalty is problematic as well, as sometimes we are caught between conflicting loyalties.

So how can we define character?

If character cannot be defined in terms of distinct moral traits, then how can it be defined? I propose that character is best defined by behaviors, and the outcomes of those behaviors. More specifically, I think the best definition of character I have come across is doing what is necessary to achieve a goal.

This definition is devoid of moral judgment, which as mentioned above is not absolute. When we really think about character we think about accomplishing goals in the face of adversity. In sports, a team is said to “have character” when they overcome overwhelming odds to achieve victory. In combat we say a soldier, sailor, airman or Marine displays character when they stand in the face of superior firepower and risk their own lives to save others or to accomplish a mission. In school, a student is said to have character if she studies hard in a difficult topic to pass an exam.

I propose that this same definition – doing what it takes to achieve a goal – applies in life in general.

Morality revisited

For some, this definition may be offensive to some degree because it has no overt moral base. Some may say that in each example above their are moral traits being exhibited; e.g. loyalty, courage, dedication. I do not argue this is not the case. As I mentioned in the beginning, moral traits may contribute to character. But in my view they do not define character.

What defines character is seeing the goal, and striving at all costs to achieve it. In the process of striving to achieve the goal, a person may suffer greatly, sacrifice greatly, and have to make tough choices. The ability to endure in the face of these adversities, and make the right choices, is what real character is about… not abstract or subjective notions of morality.

What do you think? Please comment!

Inspiration doesn’t usually follow a schedule, at least not for me. Many of my ideas seem to flash across my neural network (aka come into my mind) at rather inconvenient times, like when I am driving, just about to fall asleep, or at other times when pen and paper aren’t handy, or when I simply cannot write them down.

So what do I do when inspiration strikes?
Of course, if I am able, I write down as much detail as I can about my ideas when they come to me. But sometimes that just is not possible.

For the longest time I simply accepted that I was going to lose a lot of brilliant ideas. It was always frustrating to remember that I had an idea, and that it was probably a great one, but that I just could not remember it. About a year ago, I decided to try and do something about it. Over time I have developed several ways.

1. Always have pen and paper handy. I keep a notepad by my bed, in my car, and somewhere on my body just about all the time. Even so, it isn’t always convenient to write down a lot of details about an idea (like when I’m driving, running, etc.), but I at least try to get something down that may spark my memory later on. I am almost never without at least a pocket notebook of some kind, and a pen.

2. Create a notebook exclusively for my ideas. Aside from the notebook I keep on me, I also write down my ideas in as much detail as I can in a dedicated notebook. As I further develop the idea I expand on what I have already written. I also use mind mapping to further explore and expand my ideas. I write down everything that comes to mind about the idea, no matter how crazy, disconnected, etc. it may seem. I have found that the unconscious mind sometimes contributes things that the conscious mind may not immediately understand.

3. Make good use of the voice recorder on my Droid. Sometimes writing things down is not possible, dangerous, or just inconvenient. But I still don’t want to lose my ideas, so I have started using the voice recorder on my phone to document them. Voice recording is quickly becoming my preferred method of capturing ideas when they first come to mind. For me, its a lot faster to talk into the mic than it is to scribble something down, and the end result is more understandable to me, and usually contains a lot more information.

I am actually finding that my voice recorder is very useful for expanding my ideas as well. It is becoming a major tool for me in planning and writing larger projects, like the LifeSkills course I am working on, or my first book which I hope to finish the first half of this year.

Fortunately, my Droid cell phone has a great and easy to use voice recorder. If you do not have a phone with a recorder, there are several digital voice recorders out there. It may be worth picking one up.

4. Spend time every day to cultivate new ideas, or expand existing ones. I don’t have a great rote memory. That is, it is sometimes difficult for me to remember details of things that don’t make sense, or aren’t somehow critical or inherent to a larger concept I am working on. I am, however, able to develop new high level ideas or concepts, or make connections between concepts, pretty easily. Therefore, most of the ideas I get are conceptual or high level in the beginning. Therefore, it is important for me to spend time time developing these details and writing them down.

As I mentioned before, I use mind mapping to further develop my high level ideas. I also use meditation and journaling. I try to use these methods as soon as I can after the initial idea has come to me, at least to solidify the concepts. I journal the results down in the notebook I discussed earlier, and revisit the ideas I think are worth pursuing several times to continue developing them.

5. Brainstorm with others. Finally, once I think I have an idea that is worth developing, and have enough information to actually at least communicate the concept, I may discuss it with others to get different perspectives. I have a couple of people that I regularly share ideas with, and have found that developing ideas with others can be very helpful and valuable. I never hesitate to take advice from people that I think are credible, or that I can learn from.

Many of the things I have discussed in this article are just common sense. However, at times we really don’t think about how important it may be to capture our ideas, or are not in the habit of writing or recording them because we assume we will remember the ideas that are worth remembering.

For people like me, who write a great deal and like developing new projects to help others (and myself) on their journey of personal growth, capturing a many ideas as possible is vital. But even for people who don’t run blogs, or write books, acknowledging and capturing ideas can be very useful, even life changing. After all, it only takes one brilliant idea to change your reality.

Many years ago while I was still a midshipman at the Naval Academy I had the fortune of spending part of my summer training at the Marine Corps Officer Candidate School (OCS), and The Basic School (TBS) learning how to become a Marine Corps officer.

Although I ultimately decided to accept my commission in the Navy and not the Marines, I learned a great deal from my OCS and TBS experiences. First, and foremost I learned that I could actually do far more than I thought I was capable of. Part of this lesson was learning about the things that hold many people back from achieving their potential. And, one of the main culprits is fear.

This lesson was reinforced one early morning when we were navigating the Tarzan Assault Course at OCS. To get a perspective on the value of the lesson, its useful to understand the nature of the Tarzan Course. It is a series of rope obstacles suspended about 10-20 feet above the ground in trees. At various points you jump, crawl, slide, or walk along these ropes, and (at least when we did it) there was no safety net or lanyards. You pretty much navigated the course or fell to the deck.

I recall one particular part of the course where we were required to slide backwards down a rope without using our hands. We simply had to lay on the rope, which was about 2” diameter, hook one foot over it, push off, and let go with our hands, and slide. This was the scariest part of the course for me, probably because it felt like I had given up all control. I remember getting on the rope, heart pounding, and hearing the drill instructor shout up at me “FEAR WILL GET YOU HURT!”… along with a few other things I cannot repeat on the blog.

So, deciding I was more afraid of the drill instructor, and the embarrassment of not completing the course, than I was of falling, I pushed off and let go. And I made it. The lesson for me was that sometimes thing seem a lot scarier than they are, and with courage and determination, any obstacle can be overcome. I also learned that fear is a state of mind that can undermine people’s efforts, and keep them from achieving their potential.

This is not to say that fear never serves a useful purpose. It does. Fear is a survival mechanism that may keep us alive at times. However, when fear becomes paralyzing, or begins to generate irrational limiting beliefs in us, it becomes a barrier to our success and happiness. The trick is not to be fearless, but to understand the nature of our fears, and to master them.

Think about the things that you are afraid of, and really assess how rational some of these fears are, and how they may be holding you back. You may find that many of your fears really don’t serve a constructive or useful purpose.

We all need an occasional mental vacation; a time where we can tune out, switch off, and simply not worry about the demands that pull our lives in a hundred different directions all at once. Without the occasional break, we run the risk of burnout, depression, or even physical illness. However, by making time to unplug we can actually improve our efficiency, performance, and live happier, healthier lives.

Here are a couple of ways to take a quick mental vacation

Deep breathing. Although we are rarely aware of it, breathing has a remarkable healing power. Simply taking the time out to consciously breath can immediately reduce stress, focus the mind, and help us effectively deal with immediate challenges. Back in April I shared a 10 second breathing exercise for regaining balance. I recommend that you complete this exercise several times each day, even when you are not stressed, to maintain an even keel. It can also be very helpful during stressful situations.

Another excellent breathing exercise to use in stressful situations is the Stop -> Breath -> Think -> Act method taught to Rescue Divers. I introduced this method on the blog back in August, 2009, so won’t repeat it here. Just follow the link.

Another excellent breathing exercise to gain calm and balance is the 10 Second Breath. I recommend using this method any time you are feeling stress build, or before you go into a stressful situation. Like the 10 seconds to perfect balance exercise, it can also be used for a quick mental vacation, and should be completed any time you want to simply relax.

The process is exactly what the name implies; simply take a slow, deep, 10 second breath. The 10 Second Breath can be done with eyes open or closed, sitting, lying or standing, or in just about any situation. Simply breathe in deeply, for a slow 5 seconds, then breath out slowly for another 5 seconds. Repeat as many times as necessary. I often use this method in preparation for meditation, repeating the process 3 or more times until I am relaxed and calm.

When you only have time for a quick mental vacation, any of these breathing methods will work wonders. If you have time for a longer vacation I find mental imagery makes for an excellent and relaxing trip.

Mental imagery. Mental imagery is a form of meditation that has many uses. Professional athletes use it to prepare for big events, business executives use it before going into important meetings, surgeons use it to visualize complex operations before actually having to perform them. In short, visual imagery can be and is used to enhance performance. It can also be very useful for gaining and maintaining balance, managing stress, and achieving general well-being.

To start your mental vacation, find a calm, quite, relaxing place. If you have it you may put on some soft, calming music, or even burn a candle or some incense to help set the mood. Get comfortable, close your eyes, and breathe deeply until you feel yourself starting to relax. The 10 Second Breath works great for this part. As you begin to feel calm, focus on your body, and allow your muscles to relax. Start with your head – your brow, eyes, jaw – and move downwards along your body – shoulders, arms, chest – all the way down to your toes, and spend a few moments on each area to notice how the muscles relax. Once you are relaxed, you are ready to begin your vacation…

Now imagine yourself in a relaxing, enjoyable, and serene place. Perhaps it’s a beach, or a glen. Maybe it’s someplace you have actually been, or someplace you create in your own mind. Wherever it is, make it perfect for your purposes in your own mind. Notice the details – the textures, sounds, smells, quality of the light and air – as you allow the place to form in your mind. Totally immerse yourself in the moment and place, and allow yourself to relax. You can remain in this place for as long as you like, and you can always come back after you leave.

When you are ready to come back from vacation, simply take a few deep breaths, slowly open your eyes, and feel totally relaxed and balanced.

One of the great things about your mental vacation is it doesn’t cost a thing! Only a few minutes a day. And since you are creating it, the vacation is perfectly custom made for you every time you go there.

I encourage you to visit often!

Leading a balanced life involves maintaining a balance between our physical, mental (including emotional), and spiritual well-being. Spirituality, in whatever form it is manifested in the individual, is a key element of balance. But what is the difference between being “spiritual,” and being “religious?” Can you be one without being the other?

What does it mean to be spiritual?

Spirituality has to do with our connection to something “bigger” than ourselves and the physical world around us. I like to think of spirituality as a personal connection with divinity. The stronger that personal connection, the more spiritual we are. But what does it mean to be personally connected to the divine? How can we accomplish this? For me, it means spending time contemplating divinity. My own personal spiritual practice is primarily made up of individual meditations and interactions with nature. I do not spend a great deal of time in congregations, although I do periodically meet with others to discuss divinity in its various forms. I would classify myself as spiritual, but not terribly religious.

Spending time contemplating personal relationships to the Divine, and communing with divinity, is the cornerstone of spirituality. In doing so you develop a personal awareness of your own spirituality, and a personal connection with your own divinity, in whatever form that may be.

What does it mean to be religious?

Divinity is conceptualized differently around the world. Many (most) modern religions view divinity as a universal, single spirit, commonly referred to as God. However, there are still some religions that view divinity as a collection of spirits or beings, with each often representing a special characteristic or aspect of our world or ourselves. Hinduism, Buddhism, and even to some extent Christianity – with its concept of the Trinity, angels and demons – have a polytheistic (multiple divine beings) view of divinity.

Nature based religions; e.g. Wicca, Druidism, Neo-paganism, many of which are polytheistic in nature, are also growing in the US and elsewhere. These religions stress individual connections with the natural and supernatural world around us, and vary in their degrees of dogma and organization.

The organization and (more importantly) institutionalization of concepts of divinity is the key characteristic of religion. Religion typically consists of set rituals, gospels, and uniform beliefs that are re-affirmed and taught by religious authorities; e.g. priests, preachers, etc.

For many, being part of a religion or church is an empowering experience. The organization and regular practice of rituals may serve to deepen one’s spiritual awareness. However, many have also shunned organized religion, feeling that placing an intermediary between divinity and oneself stifles personal experience of the Divine.

Why develop your spirituality?

Whether you choose the path of organized religion or the solitary path, developing your spiritual self is a key part of living a life of balance. Being spiritual does not necessarily mean believing in God, or gods, as promoted by organized religion. Your own spiritual path may be a journey of self-awareness, and finding answers to those questions that are larger than ourselves, or even the world around us, such as what is the nature of the human soul… or does it even exist. What happens after our bodies die? What is moral, or right action? How should we interact with the world around us?

Contemplating these types of questions, whether in solitary meditation or within a congregation, are necessary for making meaning of our world. As we contemplate and grow our spirituality we also grow inner peace, and develop as human beings.

Some ways to explore your spirituality

If you are already on your own path of spiritual development I encourage you to continue. If you have not actively begun your journey, you may try some of the following to get started. Again, these are non-denominational and do not conform to any particular religion.

• Take a walk in the forest or park. Try and be aware of and focus on the nature that is around you. Many people see the Divine, or the power of creation, in the natural world.
• Spend time each day contemplating your own spirituality. You may focus on key elements of your beliefs, such as compassion, courage, right action, etc. My personal method of contemplation is usually meditation.
• Try and be mindful of how your actions fit with your spiritual beliefs. Often times we hold beliefs as concepts, but our actions do not match. Where is the disconnect originating from?
• If you are so inclined, seek out others who are also on the path of spiritual growth. They may be like minded, or they may have entirely different views. Either way, try and learn as much as you can from others. Differing views may encourage rethinking your own concepts of spirituality, leading to deeper understanding.
• If it fits your journey, consider joining a congregation, or exploring many different congregations. A valuable aspect of developing spirituality through organized religion is support and socialization. Just keep focus on your goals.

What other ways have you used to explore and grow your spirituality? Please share!

by Dianne Lowther of Brilliant Minds, @ http://www.brilliantminds.co.uk

(Editor’s note: Many of you may be aware that the UK is holding general elections today. These are the elections Dianne is referencing. However, the point of the article is not so much about elections, but about how we make important decisions, and the role values and beliefs play in that process. I hope you enjoy!)

Voting in a General Election is, for many of us, a highly significant event. It’s an opportunity to influence the way our country is governed and it’s an expression of our values and beliefs, whichever way we vote.

Values and beliefs are at the core of personality and it’s the combination of our values and beliefs that provide the motivation for daily activity. Most of our behaviour is driven in this way. We do what we do in order to get what matters to us.

Technically, the difference between values and beliefs is this:

Your VALUES are what’s important to you
Your BELIEFS are what’s true for you

Often, beliefs and values are outside of conscious awareness. We don’t always know what is important to us or what is true for us until faced with a situation that challenges our beliefs or violates our values.

The reason these kinds of situations are so illuminating is that they stir up emotion. There is a strong connection between values and emotions – you will feel negative emotions when your values are challenged or violated and feel positive emotions when your values are fulfilled.

In a situation where your values are being violated – by yourself or by someone else – you will typically feel irritated, frustrated, annoyed, angry or sad. So, you can become more aware of your values by asking yourself, when you feel these emotions, ‘Why do I feel this way?’

Conversely, when your values are fulfilled, when you get what’s important to you, you’ll feel good. You’ll feel happy, satisfied, relieved, triumphant or excited and again, you can become more aware of your values by asking yourself, when you feel these emotions, ‘Why do I feel this way?’

In situations where you feel nothing, or are bored, disengaged, lethargic or apathetic, this is usually a sign that you are not aware of any connection between the opportunities offered by the situation and any of your values. There is quite literally no motivation to take action. So, one way to overcome that lack of motivation and drive is to deliberately seek a connection between the opportunities presented and one of your values.

This is also important for leaders and managers – to engage your people you need them to make the connection between the activity you want from them and their own values.

When we start to explore this area in detail, we find that values and beliefs cluster together. Each value will have a set of beliefs associated with it. These are accumulated as we go through life. Early on, we pick up the values and beliefs of our parents, teachers and other influential adults. Later, we make our own beliefs on the basis of our own experience.

It’s quite usual that the beliefs one person has relating to a specific value might be different from those of another person.

For example, in the run-up to this General Election, all Parties have been campaigning around similar issues. When it comes to the economy and recovery from the global recession there are different ways of tackling the problems and different ways of balancing the budget.

There has been a lot of talk about ‘fairness’ in the way that taxation and pensions are structured. Fairness is a value. It’s a value that lots of people hold and so it’s a good way of creating rapport – to demonstrate that you share that value.

However, when we get into the details of how that fairness is to be achieved, then we bring in the beliefs that support the value and it’s here that we find differences. One person may think that it’s ‘fair’ that everyone pays the same rate of tax. Another may think that it’s ‘fair’ that people who earn more should pay a higher proportion of their income in tax. Someone else may think that it’s ‘fair’ that some people on low incomes should pay no tax at all.

But these are not the beliefs. To find out he beliefs that drive this thinking, you have to ask ‘Why is that fair?’ And then you’ll start to get to the underlying assumptions. Maybe not straight away, you’ll need good rapport and a certain amount of questioning to get to what they really believe. You’ll know that someone is telling you their beliefs by certain non-verbal markers:

Total congruence – this is TRUE for them
Simple language – this might have been learned at a very young age
A ‘doesn’t everybody know that?’ tone or voice and expression

When you notice these signs, take care. When someone expresses their deeply-held beliefs, they are not usually very open to other points of view. Show respect for their beliefs and you’ll retain their trust and respect in return.

This is why it used to be said that in polite company you should not talk about politics or religion – these are matters of belief and no amount of debate will change what someone truly believes. Clashes of beliefs and values can cause bitter arguments and can be hard to resolve.

Shared values and beliefs are often the basis of lasting relationships, both personal and professional.

So, if you want an interesting way to pass the time while you wait for the election results to come in tonight, you could start asking some of your friends and family why they voted the way they did…

Last weekend my wife and I took our (now) 11 month old daughter to see her great grandma. My mother also decided to make the trip with us. While we often visit Great Grandma, and we see my mother nearly every day, it really never dawns on me how great these visits are. We sort of take them for granted. But this visit was different, because we are moving to Ohio in just a couple of days to take advantage of an opportunity that, frankly, is too good to pass up.

Maybe our impending departure is why I really became attuned to one of the reasons our visits to Great Grandma are always so great… the conversation. Although Great Grandma is getting up in years, she is still a joy to be around, partly because she is a great conversationalist. And the rapport between her and my mother is something to behold. It is simply contagious. I guess I could sum it all up as she is always “present.”

It’s just so easy to get engaged in the conversations, even though they really aren’t about much that is important. We never talk about the wars, or the economy… and we generally stay away from politics and religion. We just talk about “stuff,” like the garden, or what makes a good RV, or how to knit a wool cap, or Great Grandma’s childhood, or just about anything that most people reading this may think is terribly mundane. But I pose that its not the topic that makes the conversation great… its the casual rapport that seems to just form between Great Grandma and anybody else in the room.

So how does she do it? I really cannot say definitively. But I notice that she almost always has a smile on her face, and she really engages people. She seems to really want to hear what you have to say. She doesn’t talk “at” you, but allows you to take part, and even say things she doesn’t agree with. She doesn’t judge, even when she may not agree. And the metaphors and stories from her past that she uses to make her points are always appropriate and entertaining.

Through her nearly decades of experience she has really learned the art of casual conversation. It’s too bad that the art is nearly a lost art…

So how are your conversations?

The tip is the conscious mind; or the part of the mind that is responsible for our every day thoughts. It evaluates, judges, assesses, makes decisions, and rarely rests, except maybe when we are asleep.

There is a much larger part of the mind below the surface; this is the unconscious mind. Although we are not actively aware of it, the unconscious mind is vastly larger than the conscious mind. It is responsible for processing information, making snap decisions, governing emotions, controlling our nervous system, storing and recovering memories, and much, much more…

It is the unconscious part of the mind that stores our potential to learn and grow. It is the part of the mind that truly defines who we are. This is the part of the mind where our values… our real values… reside. These values are often not the same values that our conscious mind espouses.

The values of the unconscious mind are the ones that actually govern our actions. For instance, our conscious mind may tell us, and the world, that we value honesty above all else… yet our actions may contradict the message.

Often times our conscious mind will view the world in “black and white,” or “right and wrong.” Yet, we may find justifications for when we violate what our conscious mind says is wrong. Why? Because our unconscious mind recognizes that the world is not digital, it’s not “0 or 1.” It is infinity. It is not “black and white,” but rather shades of gray. Our conscious mind creates reality from our experiences and cultural upbringing, whereas our unconscious mind recognizes reality for what it is… a mere creation of the conscious mind. A false representation constructed through our senses, which are by definition detached from the physical world around us.

Think about this: Your eyes, ears, nose, skin… all of your sensory paraphernalia… really just collect signals that are then sent via neuropathways to your brain, which is encased in a perfectly dark, soundless, sterile environment totally separated from the outside world. And when the signals arrive, they are then passed through a number of cognitive filters that are created by your experiences, beliefs, and (conscious) values, before they are used to create your map of reality.

In other words, the signals your brain receives are used to create and add to your existing model of the world. In most cases they are made to fit that model. Information that does not fit is either manipulated to conform to your model of reality, or discarded entirely. (Actually, the unconscious mind discards nothing, which as we will see later, is extremely important). This is the basis of what psychologists call confirmation bias, and it is why people can have the exact same experiences, at the same time, and have entirely different recollections and interpretations of those experiences. It is also why people with strong beliefs find it so difficult to view the world in any other way than they have grown to accept it.

The only way to make a real impact on your reality is to access the unconscious mind and unlock alternative interpretations of your sensory inputs. There are a couple of ways to do this. You can do so willingly, through hypnosis, meditation, or some other deep reflective practice. Or, you can be forced to re-assess your conscious interpretations through intense or ongoing traumatic experience. Such experiences create what is known as cognitive dissonance, which makes the false interpretations of the conscious mind so unavoidable and transparent that they must be re-evaluated. In doing so, the unconscious is activated and the process of re-evaluation and growth occurs.

Obviously, the voluntary option is normally much less painful. But even trauma may have its positive effects.