Created by Dianne Lowther of Brilliant Minds NLP. Visit her at www.brilliantminds.co.uk

1. Lack of Clear Purpose
I’ve seen lots of presentations that contained interesting, maybe even useful, information but still left me thinking, ‘So what?’ And I’m sure you have, too. This is what happens when the presenter lacks a clear purpose. The presentation rambles around, covers various topics but never really seems to come to a point.

To avoid this, take time before you start to prepare your presentation and clearly identify its purpose. Then, when you prepare your presentation, only include material that is relevant to that purpose.

2. Preparing the slides, but nothing else
How often have you had to sit through a PowerPoint presentation that, frankly didn’t need a presenter? You know the sort of thing I mean, each slide is densely packed with bullet points that the ‘presenter’ then reads out. I usually just read the slide and then wait for the ‘presenter’ to catch up!

To avoid this one, prepare the presentation first, then the slides. Too many people seem to think that their slides ARE the presentation. No, the presentation is what YOU say and do. The slides are secondary.

3. Starting with an apology
Some people think that if they begin with an apology, “unaccustomed as I am…” or something similar, then their audience will expect less of them and be more forgiving if they’re not very good. Wrong! Your audience expect – and I think they have a right to expect – you to be good. To be worth listening to. To deliver value.

Never, ever begin with an apology. Your audience are hoping that you’ll be good. Act as if you will be good, even if you’re not as confident as you’d like to be. Telling them you’re nervous or inexperienced or just off a red-eye flight will only get them looking for the faults in your presentation. Give them something else to think about.

4. Trying to be Funny
Some people have a gift for humour, others don’t. We’ve all suffered at the hands of a presenter who peppers their presentation with weak jokes or tries to make witty comments and fails miserably.

So be honest with yourself, do you have the gift of humour or not? If you’re in the latter category (like me) then accept it and don’t try to be funny. It’s a myth that people will like your presentation more if you tell jokes. Actually you’re just wasting time. Have a clear purpose and fulfil that purpose and your audience will listen and will respect you.

5. Not Knowing When or How to Stop
This, for me, is the greatest giveaway of an inexperienced presenter. They might do a great job of presenting what they prepared, then when they get to the end they either repeat themselves endlessly or just tail away rather lamely. Some do both. If they’re fortunate there will be a slick and experienced Chairman who can intervene. If not, we’re all in trouble.
The answer? Prepare the ending as thoroughly as you prepare your opening. Decide on the final thought you want to leave your audience with and work out how to deliver it for maximum impact. When you’ve delivered it, STOP. What could be easier!

Last week, I wrote a post discussing values, what they are, how we define them, and how they affect our behaviors and motivations. If you have not read it I encourage you to do so before reading this post.

What is the difference between a value and a belief? This is a question that I am often asked. Many people seem to lump the beliefs and values into the same definition. But, while both are related, there are actually some not-so-subtle differences between the two.

What are values?

Values are the basis for our behavior and motivation. Values are abstract, hierarchical and dynamic concepts that essentially describe what we desire or seek to achieve. We may hold values such as “loyalty”, “truthfulness”, “charity”, “service” and many others.

When we say we hold a value, what we are really saying is that we aspire to something, or we feel that value is worth something to us. So if we say that we hold “charity” as a value we are saying that we aspire to be charitable, even at personal cost.

However, as I mentioned, values are abstract. You may have a very good idea of what it means to be charitable. But my idea of charity may be very different than yours. This is where the notion of criteria come in.

Criteria define our values, or give them specific meaning to us. For instance, when I think of charity, I assign criteria that defines charity. The criteria I use include, helping others to be self reliant, empowering others, helping others meet challenges. My value of charity, and the criteria I use to define charity, will influence how I may react to someone who is in need. Since my criteria and your criteria may be different, you may react in a different way.

What are beliefs?

Beliefs are judgments about ourselves and the world around us. They are usually generalizations. A typical belief may be “killing is bad.” Notice that the belief includes not only an action or thing (“killing”, but a judgment about that action or thing (“is bad”).

Sometimes beliefs become very strongly entrenched or emotional. In this way, beliefs can influence our behaviors, even our thoughts, in very powerful ways. If you truly believe that eating fish will give you eternal happiness, and you desire eternal happiness, then you will probably eat a lot of fish. More tragically, if you believe that you doing God’s will, and will be rewarded in heaven, by blowing yourself up and killing dozens of others in the process, you will blow yourself up. This is the power of belief.

Beliefs also literally shape your map of reality. I have written articles in the past about how information received through your senses is passed through filters to create a map of reality. Beliefs are those filters. This is why 10 people can sit through the same experience and have 10 different views (or realities) of what happened.

How are beliefs and values related?

Beliefs and values (and criteria) are closely related. In fact, they are interdependent. That is, they cannot be separated from each other. In essence, beliefs provide context for our experiences, and connect our experiences to our values and criteria.

Let’s say that I am walking down the street and see a beggar sitting on a bench. I have a value of being charitable, and my criteria define that value as helping others in need. I also have other values, such as protecting myself and my family, and criteria that define those values.

How would I respond to this situation? Would I invite the beggar into my home? Probably not, because I do not now this person, and would not want to endanger my family by inviting a stranger home. Would I simply walk by? Probably not, because I have a value of being charitable and helping others in need. Most likely I would give the homeless person a blanket to keep warm, maybe something to eat, and perhaps even walk him to a shelter if there was one nearby.

Walking through this scenario, I would make several judgments about this situation, which would connect my values and criteria to my experience. I would first judge whether or not the person was in need, then if he was dangerous to me, or potentially to my family. I would also judge whether or not my actions of giving him a blanket, food, or other assistance satisfies my value of charity. All of these judgments, which create my beliefs about the situation, will affect my behaviors and attitudes towards this person and situation.

Beliefs and values are different

Hopefully, you can see how beliefs and values are different. To sum it up, values represent our aims, desires, and goals. They are usually abstract, and are further defined by criteria. Beliefs are judgments that connect our values and criteria to our experiences. They give our experiences meaning, and provide context for our values.

Both values and beliefs shape the way we view ourselves and the world around us. They act as filters for our perceptions, and actually create our maps of reality. They literally make our reality, and make us who we are.

We hear a lot about values. During election campaigns politicians talk about “traditional values.” There are also cultural values (“American values, European values, etc.), “family values”, “value based leadership,” etc. etc.

We hear about how important values are in society, or about important it is to instill strong value systems in our children. But, when we speak about values, what exactly are we talking about?

What are values?

While most of us have an intuitive idea about the nature of a value, few could provide a clear definition of what one actually is. Most recognize that values are generally related to something of worth, or meaning. When we say we have a particular value, we are by default assigning worth and meaning to that value. We are saying it is important to us.

For example, if we say that “success” is a value, we are saying that we believe that being successful is worth something, or that it has meaning to our lives. From our statement we can assume that “success” is worth taking specific, and perhaps difficult, steps to achieve. In other words, our goals and actions will reflect the value of “success.” They form the basis for our behaviors and motivations.

Values are typically abstract concepts. For example, although you and I may both say that “success” is a value, we will most likely have at least subtle differences in how we define success. Therefore, our motivations, goals, plans, and behaviors may be very different as we pursue success.

To summarize, values define what we desire, or seek to achieve.

But there is more…

As I mentioned above, values are usally very abstract. When we say that “success” is a value, we are saying that we desire success, and that success is worth some effort to achieve. But how do we clarify what success actually is?

Robert Dilts, in his book Sleight of Mouth, contends that another construct is at play in our value systems. According to Dilts, we use what are known as criteria to further define our values. The best way to describe criteria and how the relate to values is by an example.

If my definition of success is having very strong relationships with friends and family, I will probably not work 60 hours each week to get that next promotion or bonus. Instead, I will choose to do things that build those relationships over things that build my career, such as spending more time at home, or with friends, building those relationships.

On the other hand, if you define success as becoming a Vice President before age 35, you will most likely put in those extra hours, even at the expense of some of your relationships.

So, my criteria for success is strong personal and family relationships. Your criteria for success (in this example) is career growth.

Our criteria make the abstract value of success more concrete for each of us, and therefore influence our goals and behaviors.

Contemplating your own values

Most (all?) of us could sit down and write out a list of values that we believe to be sacred. Perhaps values like “honesty”, “integrity”, “loyalty”, “achievement”, “family”, and many others would appear on most of our lists. Some of these values have been passed down through our own family or national cultures. These are expected values. But how do we really know they are “our own” values?

There are two obvious tests.

First, sit down with your list of values, then go through each value and write down the criteria for that value. Odds are, if you cannot write down several criteria for any particular value, you have not really defined what that value means to you. And if you have not defined the value, you probably have not internalized it. And a value that is not internalized is not really a value that you own for yourself.

Second, after you have really defined your values, reflect on how well you actually keep them. If you say you value family, but your efforts are mostly focused towards work, there may be cause to reconsider how strongly you hold the family value. In other words, the more strongly your behavior reflects the values you purport to hold, the more strongly you actually hold those values.

The hierarchical and fluid nature of values

You may feel a little concerned or confused (or even offended) after reading the last section. There is really no need, because it is entirely possibly, even probably, that some of your values may conflict with some others. This is because values are hierarchical and fluid by nature.

This statement may surprise you because you may have been taught that values are set in stone, universal, and concrete. But on reflection, can you name a single value that actually is any of these?

Some may say that respecting human life is an absolute value. But, in the next breath we may justify killing terrorists, or a criminal that has committed murder, or another person who is threatening the life of your own child.

So, do we say that we do not value human life? No, what we would say is that we do value human life, but not as much as we value justice, or defending our own children. So when we think about each of these values: human life, justice, defending our children, we see that there is a hierarchy.

To complicate things further, some of our values and criteria may even change over time. For instance, it is not uncommon for people to change their value criteria as they grow older and experience more. A traumatic or highly emotional event may change the values a person has as well. Sometimes we may even choose to reflect on a value, and modify it or its criteria to better fit in our own map of reality.

Values are complex psychological constructs. They are ambiguous, vague, and abstract. But in our own minds we assign them criteria to further define them and make them more practical. Values govern our behaviors and motivation, and therefore our perceptions of reality.

However, it would be wrong to say they “control” us, because they are fluid and hierarchical. We have the ability to modify our values and criteria based on our own experiences and needs. I encourage you to explore your values, understand their criteria and hierarchy, and align your work and behaviors with them. In doing so you will lead a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

When most people think of psychology they think of a mentally ill person laying on a couch having his psyche dissected by Freudian-type person who asks a lot of questions about the patient’s mother.

Well, to be sure there is still some of that kind of therapy going on, but psychology has changed quite a bit since Freud and Jung. Much of the emphasis on modern psychology is still diagnosis and treatment of mental illness.

However, another approach that focuses less on treating mental illness, and more on improving healthy people’s lives, and keeping them healthy, is gaining popularity. This school of psychology is known as positive psychology.

If you have read much of my blog, or those of the hundreds of other personal development bloggers out there in the blogosphere, you have most likely been exposed to positive psychology. Indeed, if you have read any of the popular self-help books, you already know what positive psychology is about.

What are some examples of positive psychology?

Positive psychology is not just about making people “feel good,” (although I would argue there is some value in that alone). It is about preparing people mentally and emotionally to live happy, successful, and fulfilling lives.

A good example of positive psychology at work is teaching people the value of introspection, mindfulness, and reframing to enable them to react appropriately to life’s challenges, or to align their actions and values. Some of these same techniques are used to treat mental illness such as depression and anxiety, but can also be effectively applied to healthy people to help them better their lives.

Techniques such as NLP, hypnosis, and even clinical practices such as cognitive-behavioral therapies are also very useful when applied in the context of positive psychology.

Teaching people stress relief methods, or other forms of self-care such as the importance of exercise, relaxation, and a healthy diet are also forms of positive psychology. Other forms of positive psychology include helping people focus on their successes, teaching them to learn from failure, and how to make criticism work in their favor.

As you can see, the possibilities are limitless.

An emphasis on positive psychology can make serious improvements in your life, and in the lives of others around you. This does not mean that there is no place for other forms of psychology. The reality is that there is a lot of trauma out there in the real world, and modern psychology has developed some very effective treatments to help people overcome their challenges with mental illness. However, it’s important to realize that psychology is not just for the sick. It can benefit us all.

One of the presuppositions of NLP is that the meaning of a communication is in the way it is received. I posted a guest post from Dianne Lowther of Brilliant Minds on this presupposition back in June of this year, but think it is worth visiting again. It is that important.

But, in this post I am going to approach the topic from a different direction than Dianne. In her post, Dianne explained in some detail how this presupposition works. (I highly recommend reading her post. Just click on any one of the links). In this post, I am going to describe some specific ways to ensure that our messages are understood.

The role of empathy

This presupposition is a simple way of saying that we must take responsibility for how we attempt to communicate a message. When we wish to convey a particular message and it is misinterpreted, we often blame the recipient for misunderstanding. We get defensive and even blaming, and arguments happen.

Fundamentally, the reason for the conflict and misunderstanding that comes from “miscommunication,” indeed, the reason for miscommunication itself, is typically because empathy is lacking in both the transmitter and the receiver of the message.

When we communicate without empathy, we are transmitting without any regard or consideration to the needs of our intended receiver. Often times people will try and justify this lack of empathy by saying they prefer to “tell it like it is,” or to “be direct.” The true motive behind this desire to “be direct” is to force our message on somebody else, with little regard to how they may interpret or receive it. After all, if we really want to be understood, why would we not want to tailor our message to the recipient? This “being direct” is a fundamentally selfish way of communicating.

Likewise, it is impossible to accurately receive a message without empathy. Think about active listening as an example. It is simply not possibly to engage in active listening – to give somebody your total attention, and show genuine interest in what the other is trying to say, without empathy. In fact, a fundamental part of active listening is to connect with the sender, and repeat back his or her message in our own words to confirm our own understanding.

By definition, we cannot form such a connection and understanding without empathizing.

So why does the sender hold the primary responsibility for the way a message is received?

I’ve just said that lack of empathy on both sides of a communication is the reason why misunderstandings and the resulting conflicts happen. That being the case, you may be wondering why it is that the sender has the responsibility for ensuring his or her message is accurately received.

It simple. The sender starts the cycle, and understands (hopefully) the meaning of the message being conveyed. The receiver cannot possibly understand the meaning unless the sender conveys it. Therefore, the sender is the only person that can logically be responsible.

Furthermore, if the sender places his own need to validate himself, or to “be direct,” or “tell it like it is,” over the way a message is received or how it is interpreted, there can be no empathy conveyed, and the message will more than likely generate a violent (not in the physical sense… hopefully) reaction.

By following the guidelines below, we can communicate with empathy and in a nonviolent manner, and ensure our messages are understood:

Be aware of your objective. The sender is the only person who can know the meaning of any communication before it is sent. If the sender does not know what meaning she wants to convey, then how can the receiver possibly understand it?

It is also necessary that the sender understand “why” he wants to send the message in the first place. Is the intent constructive, or antagonistic? Antagonism rarely gets the results we want… at least in the long term. It is possible to communicate anger in ways that actually achieve positive results and get your needs met. Simply being argumentative damages relationships and ensures your real message – e.g. the need you want to have met – is not received.

Avoid vague language. This is not the same as “being direct” in the sense most people understand it. What avoiding vague language means is to speak plainly, but with empathy, and in a way your receiver can understand and accept.

As we’ve already learned, understanding without empathy is simply not possibly. When choosing your language you want to convey your needs, as well as concern for the receiver, otherwise your message will almost certainly create defensiveness in the recipient, and you are likely to simply end up in a conflict of competing needs.

Be honest about your needs. We all want to have their needs met. And when they aren’t met, we typically get resentful. As resentment builds, empathy departs. And (again) without empathy effective communication is simply not possible.

The time to communicate your needs is before this cycle sets in. It is best to be honest about your needs while you can also be empathic and sensitive to your recipient’s needs as well.

Communicate in the positive. Use positive language when communicating. By doing this you will find it much easier to convey empathy, and frame your message in a nonviolent manner.

Abolish “but” from your vocabulary. A simple yet powerful way to make your language more positive is by replacing any “but” statements with “and” statements. For example, notice the difference between,

“I really want to work this out with you, but I am concerned about being able to do so and still have my needs met.”

And

“I really want to work this out with you, and I am concerned about being able to do so and still have my needs met.”

The messages being sent are subtly different. The “but” statement implies an “either, or” situation. Either we work this out, or I get my needs met.

By replacing “but” with “and,” you imply that both conditions can be met; you just don’t know how…. yet.

Get feedback and confirmation. A great way to ensure the meaning of your message is actually being conveyed is to ask. Again, doing so with empathy will usually result in genuine attempts at understanding. Doing so without empathy results in conflict.

Request, don’t demand. We cannot force anybody to do what we want, at least not for the long term. However, when we request something from somebody else with empathy, we usually generate a genuine desire within them to help.

Even if they cannot do what we are asking, they will most likely work with us to find another way to meet our needs.

When we demand, we generate resentment and resistance, and rarely get our needs met.

You hopefully noticed that empathy is the key ingredient of successful communications, and that empathy must be present from the very beginning, in the message being communicated. Given this, it should also be obvious that the sender is the only person that can be responsible for the way his or her message is received.

A message delivered with empathy will show concern for the needs of the recipients as well as the senders. It will be crafted in a way that the recipient can understand. And the sender will clarify understanding, and if necessary, change the way the message is crafted to ensure understanding.

Have you ever wanted to develop a new habit? You know, go to the gym, eat healthier foods, become and early riser, start a daily meditation practice, or whatever else. The good news is you can, and its not as hard as you may think.

Let’s be clear. I am not promising that you will suddenly lose 30 pounds, or anything equally stupid. I am simply saying that you can develop new habits that may help you lose 30 pounds, or achieve whatever other goals you may have.

I know, because I have used it, and still use it to this day. The technique I use to create new habits is a neurolinguistic programming (NLP) technique called the New Behavior Generator. The process is fairly simple, and only takes 10-15 minutes, if that.

The New Behavior Generator works by accessing a variety of representational systems, or way which you perceive the world. The main representational systems are auditory (hearing), kinaesthetic (touching), olfactory (smell), gustatory (taste) and visual. I won’t bore you with the details (at least not in this post), but there is a neurological basis for this process, and it is very powerful.

Let’s walk through this technique using an example. Steve Aitchison recently posted a blog on the “5 Benefits of Being an Early Riser.”

I actually used the New Behavior Generator a few years back when I was living in the UK to wake up at 6AM on weekdays, without an alarm clock, so this seems like a good example.

Here’s how it works

The first thing you will need to do is find a quite, comfortable place where you can mentally rehearse getting out of bed at the time you feel is most appropriate. Once you are in that place, sit in a comfortable chair or sofa. For this exercise you will keep your eyes open, and will not enter into a deep trance.

Now that you are comfortable, reaffirm to yourself that you want to become an early riser. Be specific. What time would you like to rise, and why. What do you expect to gain from rising early. What are the opportunity costs? How would you like to feel when you rise early? What would you like rising early to be like for you?

It helps to develop a well-formed outcome to clarify all of these details, which are very important for developing your new habit of rising early each morning.

After you have thought about, and clarified your goals and outcomes for rising early, you will begin mentally rehearsing rising early – again, with your eyes open. It is important to keep your eyes open because you will use them to activate specific representational systems as you rehearse.

The steps

First, look down and to your left, and talk to yourself (out loud). Ask yourself “What do I want to do differently in the mornings? How early would I like to rise?” Then, say to yourself, “If I could rise early in the morning, at , what would it look like?” As you are saying this final sentence, begin moving your eyes to look up and to the right.

As you are looking up and to the right, see yourself as if you are watching from outside your body rising early, at the time you would like. Watch yourself sleeping, then sitting up immediately at the appropriate time. If you use an alarm clock, see yourself turn it off as you swing your legs over the side of the bed and stand up. Watch yourself stretch, and smile, as you are totally awake and looking forward to the day. See yourself walk into the kitchen and get a cup of coffee, then walk out onto the patio and watch the sun rising… etc. etc. until you have watched yourself perform your entire morning routine in great detail.

(Your scenario may be different, but the point is to really visualize all of the details – the more detailed the better… and don’t forget to look up and to the right as you do so!)

After you have watched yourself, as if you are outside your body, move your eyes so you are looking down and to the right. Once you are looking down and to the right, step into the experience as you rehearse it again and notice how it feels. Remember, you are noticing how you “want” it to feel, not how you fear it will feel. Notice how refreshed and awake you feel when you open your eyes, how energized you are as you sit up and get out of bed, how excited you are as you look forward to the day.

(Again, your feelings may be different, but the important part is that you really “feel” them as you rehearse getting up in the morning. You are literally programming your mind at this point).

Now repeat this cycle at least three times. As you do, make any adjustments to the routine you feel are necessary. You may change the routine, or the feelings associated with it to make it better as you continue through the cycle.

My recommendation is that once your routine is perfected, run through the perfected routine at least three times to really embed it in your mind.

Now future pace

Once you are happy that you have mentally rehearsed the routine enough times you must check to see how well it is programmed into your mind. In NLP speak we call this future pacing.

To future pace you should think of a time when you will want to wake up early. Now mentally rehearse this event, without the eye movement. Notice the cues you receive that tells you its time to wake up. Watch yourself running through your routine, noticing you feelings and how the routine occurs.

Again, you are not going through the eye movements or introducing any artificial actions or feelings. You are imagining how the event will actually be.

If you find that the event is not unfolding the way you want it to, or that you have unwelcome feelings about the event, you have three options:

You may choose to change your environment and try to run through the process again. It may be that where you are is too noisy, uncomfortable, hot, cold, etc. and is limiting your ability to actually mentally rehearse your routine. Once you have found a more suitable place or time, go back and repeat the entire process until you get a positive future pace.

One option is to revise your morning routine so that it is more suitable to your needs. You may add activities, alter them, or discard them. You may revisit your feelings and choose different feelings that are more appropriate. Once you revise your routine, go back and repeat the process several times again until you get a positive future pace.

Another option is to revisit your well-formed outcome and make certain that your routine is congruent, or aligned, with who you are – your values, needs, and wants. While dramatic change is possible with this and other NLP techniques, one thing we cannot do is make changes that simply do not fit with who we are. (In order to make those changes, we must work on our values, and that is the topic of another post…).

Remember, the New Behavior Generator can be used to develop just about any behavior you want. The keys to making this work are: 1. Make sure the new behavior matches your values, and who you are; 2. Make sure you are in a place that is suitable for the exercise; 3. As you mentally rehearse, do so in the greatest possible detail; 4. The eye movements are key; 5. Be sure and check with future pacing.

If you love learning you are in luck, because there is simply no way you can avoid learning, every day, all the time. You have no choice because life is learning.

How so? In the most basic sense, all of our actions are adaptive. In other words, we behave with intent, with motivation. This motivation may be conscious, or unconscious, but what we do is not random.

What are we adapting to? Simple, we are adapting to things that happen inside and around us. That may sound confusing, but to clarify, every perception we have is interpreted by our brain. This interpretation is complex as each piece of information we receive through our senses passes through many filters that have been created over our life through our own, unique subjective experiences.

So everything that has ever happened to us, is happening to us, and ever will happen to us, adds to our subjective experience, and helps to create the filters we use to receive and process all that happens around us.

In addition to strengthening our filters, or possibly creating new filters, our subjective experiences actually create our maps of reality. They literally shape how we view the world around us.

And our perceived reality is what we are constantly adapting to.

So what are you learning?

As you can see, you are constantly learning. Some of the lessons you learn consciously, such as when you study for a math exam, or realize that touching a hot stove is bad. Other lessons you learn passively.

Information and experiences that you may not even be aware of are adding to your unconscious mind’s body of knowledge, and in turn are building and strengthening filters, adding to your map, and shaping your reality.

Be an active participant in your learning

You may begin to understand why it is very important to pay attention to the subjective experiences you may be exposing yourself (or your kids!!!) to. It is equally important to process your experiences critically and mindfully to ensure you are learning the right lessons from them.

Some ways to process your experiences are mediation, journaling, counseling, therapy, hypnosis, or simply discussing them with a friend or family member. All of these methods are great ways to increase awareness of the meanings your mind is assigning to your subjective experiences, and to possibly even change or reframe those meanings as appropriate.

By becoming an active participant in your life’s education you can direct your lessons, and create a map of reality that better serves your life’s purpose.

Public speaking is a terrifying experience for many people. In fact, depending on the polls you look at… and believe… the fear of speaking in public is by far the most widespread fear around. It’s also the one thing that most people would least like to do. There is good news, however. Just about everybody can learn to be comfortable with, and even excel at, public speaking. A good beginning is to learn about how those who are great at it already do it. In NLP speak, this is known as modeling.

What are some of the characteristics of brilliant public speakers?

1. The key ingredient to becoming a great public speaker is knowing how to manipulate the audience’s emotions. Brilliant public speakers are able to inspire emotions in their audience, literally captivating them and drawing them into the topic they are covering.

2. Great public speakers find points or areas within their topics that inspire them, and pass along that emotion with their own energy and inspiration. In other words, the speaker is emotionally and intellectually involved in the topic, and expresses his involvement and emotion through his passion and energy. As we have discussed on this blog in the past, energy and emotion are contagious. Brilliant public speakers are aware of the power of their emotion and energy, and tap into it to captivate their audience.

3. Brilliant public speakers focus on the audience more than they do on themselves. They worry less about what they are going to say, and more about the reactions they get from the audience. The feed on audience cues, and adjust their presentations to maximize their emotional impact. They focus attention where it is needed, vary the tonality of their voice, and are fearless in their efforts to transfer their energy to their audience.

4. Effective public speakers deliver their messages in ways that appeal to their audiences. For larger audiences, this means using a variety of modalities – visual, kinesthetic, varying sentence lengths and word selections, and even tactile or olfactory (feel and smell) to maximize their impact on the audience as a whole. For smaller audiences, they do research in advance, and pick up on cues from their audience, and adapt to their preferred modalities for receiving information.

5. Finally, brilliant speakers prepare themselves mentally for presentations. Many use visualization techniques, or dry runs. They visualize how they will present, and how the audience will react. They run through various scenarios and adjustments. They see themselves being confident, knowledgeable, accepted by the audience, and successful.

The fear of public speaking, like many fears, is irrational. In the overwhelming majority of cases, your audience is there to hear what you have to say because they want to be there. With some practice, and some mental preparation, you can become a brilliant public speaker.

Created by Dianne Lowther of Brilliant Minds NLP, http://www.brilliant-minds.co.uk

This one is a very frequently-quoted Presupposition of NLP, and one that puts us very firmly in a position of responsibility if we choose to accept it.

The underlying principle here is ‘the map is not the territory’. If you read my earlier article on that presupposition you’ll remember how we looked at the way that experiences mean different things to different people. Two people can ‘make sense’ of the same events in very different ways.

Similarly, words can mean different things to different people. What you thought you meant might not be what someone else would understand by what you said. Or to put it another way, the words that you choose to express your thoughts might correspond to some rather different thoughts in someone else’s head.

No word has an absolute meaning. Language develops and changes and the meaning of words can shift over time. What you understand by the words ‘nice’, disinterested’ and ‘gay’ is probably very different from how those same words were understood 200 years ago.

In just the same way, words can have different meanings to people in contemporary times and alternative understandings can be equally valid.

This can be one of the reasons why misunderstandings arise in communication. It is especially true in written communications, because we are deprived of the voice tonality, facial expressions and gestures that would serve to clarify our meaning in a face-to-face encounter.

Now, if you’re one of the people who can spend a lot of time crafting the words in your emails and reports to convey the exact nuance of meaning that you intend, I have some bad news for you. The exact nuance of meaning that you intended to convey is probably lost on the readers of your carefully composed sentences.

Now, this where our presupposition – the meaning of your communication is in the response it gets – comes into play.

Have you ever found yourself saying to someone, “No, that’s not what I meant!” and feeling quite indignant that they have missed the point of your wonderfully articulate email? You have? Well, sorry, but the presupposition says that whatever meaning the listener or reader of your words ascribes to them IS the meaning of your words.

And the meaning of your words can most accurately be identified by observing the reaction to them, because a response in words is subject to all the same vagaries as your original message.

So the meaning of your message is what others understand by your message, not what you intended them to understand. In other words, if you want people to get a particular message, it’s your responsibility to create the understanding in the mind of your listeners/readers, rather than it being their responsibility to figure out what you intended.

To illustrate the point, let me tell you a story:

The Managing Director of a firm I was working with was very proud of his 5-year plan and the clear objectives that he’d identified for each year. As I met different people in the organisation I asked them about the 5-year plan and the current priorities. None were able to tell me what they were. When I relayed this finding back to the Managing Director he snapped, “Well, they should know. I’ve told them.”

It was clear to me, that whatever he intended and thought he had communicated, he actually had communicated nothing. Nobody knew the plan, therefore he had not communicated it.

So what’s the answer? Well, for a start, ask yourself what is the response you want to your communication? To convey your message accurately, it’s usually more effective to give the same message several times, in more than one way. Keep monitoring the response. When you get the response you were looking for, you may be justified in considering that you’ve communicated what you wanted to communicate.

And there again…

by Dianne Lowther of Brilliant Minds, @ http://www.brilliantminds.co.uk

(Editor’s note: Many of you may be aware that the UK is holding general elections today. These are the elections Dianne is referencing. However, the point of the article is not so much about elections, but about how we make important decisions, and the role values and beliefs play in that process. I hope you enjoy!)

Voting in a General Election is, for many of us, a highly significant event. It’s an opportunity to influence the way our country is governed and it’s an expression of our values and beliefs, whichever way we vote.

Values and beliefs are at the core of personality and it’s the combination of our values and beliefs that provide the motivation for daily activity. Most of our behaviour is driven in this way. We do what we do in order to get what matters to us.

Technically, the difference between values and beliefs is this:

Your VALUES are what’s important to you
Your BELIEFS are what’s true for you

Often, beliefs and values are outside of conscious awareness. We don’t always know what is important to us or what is true for us until faced with a situation that challenges our beliefs or violates our values.

The reason these kinds of situations are so illuminating is that they stir up emotion. There is a strong connection between values and emotions – you will feel negative emotions when your values are challenged or violated and feel positive emotions when your values are fulfilled.

In a situation where your values are being violated – by yourself or by someone else – you will typically feel irritated, frustrated, annoyed, angry or sad. So, you can become more aware of your values by asking yourself, when you feel these emotions, ‘Why do I feel this way?’

Conversely, when your values are fulfilled, when you get what’s important to you, you’ll feel good. You’ll feel happy, satisfied, relieved, triumphant or excited and again, you can become more aware of your values by asking yourself, when you feel these emotions, ‘Why do I feel this way?’

In situations where you feel nothing, or are bored, disengaged, lethargic or apathetic, this is usually a sign that you are not aware of any connection between the opportunities offered by the situation and any of your values. There is quite literally no motivation to take action. So, one way to overcome that lack of motivation and drive is to deliberately seek a connection between the opportunities presented and one of your values.

This is also important for leaders and managers – to engage your people you need them to make the connection between the activity you want from them and their own values.

When we start to explore this area in detail, we find that values and beliefs cluster together. Each value will have a set of beliefs associated with it. These are accumulated as we go through life. Early on, we pick up the values and beliefs of our parents, teachers and other influential adults. Later, we make our own beliefs on the basis of our own experience.

It’s quite usual that the beliefs one person has relating to a specific value might be different from those of another person.

For example, in the run-up to this General Election, all Parties have been campaigning around similar issues. When it comes to the economy and recovery from the global recession there are different ways of tackling the problems and different ways of balancing the budget.

There has been a lot of talk about ‘fairness’ in the way that taxation and pensions are structured. Fairness is a value. It’s a value that lots of people hold and so it’s a good way of creating rapport – to demonstrate that you share that value.

However, when we get into the details of how that fairness is to be achieved, then we bring in the beliefs that support the value and it’s here that we find differences. One person may think that it’s ‘fair’ that everyone pays the same rate of tax. Another may think that it’s ‘fair’ that people who earn more should pay a higher proportion of their income in tax. Someone else may think that it’s ‘fair’ that some people on low incomes should pay no tax at all.

But these are not the beliefs. To find out he beliefs that drive this thinking, you have to ask ‘Why is that fair?’ And then you’ll start to get to the underlying assumptions. Maybe not straight away, you’ll need good rapport and a certain amount of questioning to get to what they really believe. You’ll know that someone is telling you their beliefs by certain non-verbal markers:

Total congruence – this is TRUE for them
Simple language – this might have been learned at a very young age
A ‘doesn’t everybody know that?’ tone or voice and expression

When you notice these signs, take care. When someone expresses their deeply-held beliefs, they are not usually very open to other points of view. Show respect for their beliefs and you’ll retain their trust and respect in return.

This is why it used to be said that in polite company you should not talk about politics or religion – these are matters of belief and no amount of debate will change what someone truly believes. Clashes of beliefs and values can cause bitter arguments and can be hard to resolve.

Shared values and beliefs are often the basis of lasting relationships, both personal and professional.

So, if you want an interesting way to pass the time while you wait for the election results to come in tonight, you could start asking some of your friends and family why they voted the way they did…