Suffering = Pain x Resistance

This is a formula developed by Buddhist teacher Shinzen Young to describe how our suffering is not caused by the pain (physical, emotional, or psychological) we experience, but by our resistance of it. In other words, suffering is not caused by the actual events that we experience, but by our reaction to them. When we struggle against our experiences, we suffer for it. The path to eliminating suffering is to fully accept our experiences.

While this concept of suffering has its origins in Buddhism, it is not exclusively Buddhist. Many therapists in the West have embraced the philosophy of acceptance. Indeed, research into acceptance based therapies has shown them to be as effective, or more effective, than traditional therapies for some mental conditions, such as anxiety, depression, borderline personality disorder, and others.

But you don’t have to be diagnosed with a mental condition to benefit from acceptance. Learning to accept your experiences is also a key part of learning and growing from them.

But how can accepting a bad experience be a good thing?

In order to understand how acceptance works, its important to differentiate between suffering and pain. According to the philosophy, pain itself is not subjective. Its part of the reality of experience. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, it hurts. If you break up with your partner, it hurts. If a loved one dies, it hurts. There is no avoiding that pain. However, you can choose how you relate to that pain. The way you relate to the reality of pain determines how much you suffer because of it.

This may seem like a crazy notion to many, particularly those of us from Western cultures, where we are taught from birth that pain is something to be avoided or limited. But when you consider that pain is almost always accompanied by emotion, it begins to make sense (at least I think it does;) ). If you can think of a time when you were in pain, and allowed your emotions to run wild, versus another time when you were in pain, but were able to keep a cooler head, you may find that your suffering (not your pain) was less when you were in control.

This is an example of how pain and suffering are not the same thing. In fact, martial artists, athletes, and the military train to separate the pain from the suffering to enable them to push beyond normal physical and emotional limits. Marathon runners learn to live with the physical and psychological pain of running 24 miles. There are countless stories of how military members in combat continue to fight on despite horrific wounds. Holocaust victims and prisoners of war report that their ability to accept their situations and remove themselves from the pain they experienced enabled them to survive and even thrive during their captivity.

These are all examples of how changing the way we relate to pain changes the way we experience it. By doing so we not only eliminate suffering, but can also have a great influence the world around us.

The paradox… and how it works

After reading that last sentence, you may have thought, “Hold on! Wait a minute! How can I accept what is going on and change it?” This is the paradox of acceptance.

Think about a time when you were really – and I mean really – attached to an idea or particular way of doing something; e.g. you were being really really stubborn. Maybe somebody you knew or worked with had a different idea than yours. If you were dead set on your own idea, how would you react to the other person’s idea? If you are like most people, you would probably fight for your own point of view even if all evidence showed you were wrong, and maybe even get a bit emotional about it. You may not even realize that the other person’s way of doing the thing – whatever it is – could be a better way. By being unable to consider the other’s point of view, you eliminate the chance of creating a better outcome.

If we become wedded to a particular way of doing something, and continue to try and do it the same way over and over even though it does not work well – or at all – we forfeit the possibility that we can actually change the situation.

Both of these are examples of how not accepting reality – that someone may have a better idea, or that the way we are doing something does not work – causes suffering and prohibits us from being able to change it.

On the other hand, if we could remove emotion and look at reality in an unfiltered way – in other words if we could accept reality for what it is – we put ourselves in a position to expand our awareness, use our creativity, and consciously respond to the situation instead of simply reacting to it emotionally. In this way we have much more ability to influence reality.

Acceptance and personal growth

Acceptance greatly increases your ability to grow as a person. In fact, personal growth is impossible without it. A key element of personal growth is the ability to self reflect, or to see ourselves for who we really are, and who we could become. If we are unable to accept our flaws, weakness, or shortcomings, we cannot hope to ever overcome them.

This is the same paradox discussed above. By not accepting ourselves for who we are, we may be tempted to fight against our flaws, creating greater suffering and actually deepening the flaws by obsessing over them. But, if we can look at ourselves, and acknowledge that we have flaws, and look at these flaws non-judgmentally, and accept them, then we unblock our ability to improve ourselves.

For example, let’s say that I am horrible at math. If I deny that I am horrible at math, and refuse to accept that I am horrible at math, how can I ever hope to improve my math skills? If I don’t accept this flaw, I won’t feel compelled to study more, take a class, or find a tutor. Or, I may decide that math just isn’t important, and avoid the flaw altogether. Both situations are potentially very limiting.

But if I accept that I am horrible at math, and look at the flaw objectively (without judgment), then I open up the possibility of finding ways to improve my math skills. Doing so not only results in improving those skills, but also in self-awareness, which leads to personal growth.

Acceptance can be a difficult concept for many, particularly in Western societies where we are taught to not accept bad situations or imperfections. We are taught (or at least I was) that in order to change we never accept imperfections, and must fight against them. This sometimes works, but more often than not, is the source of great suffering – even if the outcome is eventually good.

Acceptance may also be misunderstood as pacifism. This is not the case. Acceptance really means accepting reality for what it is. In doing so, we are able to view that reality non-judgmentally, without emotion, and open up the possibility of responding to reality consciously, not instinctively. Conscious responses are always more effective than reactive responses, and give us much more flexibility to deal with and change our reality.

Integrity is another of those slippery concepts, much like “character.” When people talk about integrity, they often do so in the context of being honest. This is certainly an aspect of integrity.

However, this honesty extends beyond telling the truth to others. More importantly, integrity means being truthful with ourselves. For the purposes of this post, I will refer to this kind of truth as internal integrity, although there really is no separating being truthful to oneself, and being truthful to others.

Being truthful to oneself may seem easy – almost automatic – but I suggest that most of use are in fact big fat liars when it comes to internal integrity. The majority of people in the world, or at least in modern, industrialized nations, are very much out of touch with who they really are. How can somebody possess internal integrity if they are living a life that others dictate for them?

What do I mean? Since early childhood we are conditioned to follow social and moral rules. Don’t get me wrong, many (most?) of these rules are absolutely good and necessary to maintain peaceful society. But others serve only to stifle personal development, and more specifically, growing to be the persons that we really are.

For instance, society’s (at least our society’s) rules for success are roughly: obey all rules, hang out with the right people, do well in school, go to college, get a great (e.g. – high paying) job, etc. And even after we do all of that, more rules still apply: conform with company policies, fit in to corporate culture, network with the right people, climb the company ladder, make even more money… That is how society defines success.

In short, we are brought up to conform to societal norms and succeed by society’s standards, not to “find our true selves.” In fact, in the U.S. taking time out from the path of “success” to “find oneself” is considered by most to be rather flaky.

Many people are so disconnected with who they are, so entrenched in living the life society expects them to live, that this whole notion of being one’s true self is beyond comprehension.

But in order to possess integrity, one must do exactly that. How can someone have integrity if they are being who and what society wants them to be, and not being their true selves? In essence, they are lying to themselves, and often are unaware that they are doing so.

Being our true selves

So what does it mean to be one’s true self? I propose that being one’s true self means being aware of, and acting in a way that is aligned with, ones inner self. That is to say, having a deep understanding of one’s own thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and values, and acting in a manner that is consistent with them.

In a nutshell, being oneself means acting and being on the outside the way we actually are on the inside. To do otherwise is a lie.

Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard said that the deepest form of despair is to “choose to be another than himself.” In essence, to be someone who lacks integrity. Someone who acts in a manner that contradicts his true being.

Kiergegaard goes on to hypothesize that being ones true self is the deepest responsibility of a person.

Learning to first understand who we really are, then to live that way, is the goal of personal development.

It requires staring hard at our internal states, emotions, and thoughts – regardless of how turbulent they may be, and reconciling them with values that are truly our own (not dictated by society). It requires knowing ourselves in a deep way – knowing our own strengths and limitations, and accepting both with unconditional positive regard.

When we try to deny these things about ourselves, or struggle against them, we are living without integrity.

This does not mean that we should not seek to improve. One of the paradoxes about acceptance is that great personal growth often comes when we accept things we do not like or understand. This acceptance often actually results in change, while struggling against who we really are results in pain and stagnation.

This website has a number of posts that talk about the “how’s” of personal reflection and growth, so I won’t get in to them, here. But I encourage all of my readers to think about the meaning of integrity, and think about how closely aligned their life is with who they really are.

Carl Rogers, the famous humanistic psychotherapist, said that the #1 question every single one of his clients struggled to answer was “who am I? Really?” According to Rogers, to not know, or to know and not act accordingly, is the largest source of psychological suffering.

A few years ago I had a client whose chief complaint was that he had difficulty building and maintaining good relationships. He felt he was in a state of near constant conflict with others. He argued with his family, his girlfriend, his friends, and his co-workers. In fact, the “final straw,” and why he decided to come in for counseling, was when a co-worker filed a complaint against him for an argument during which my client physically pushed the other man.

As I worked with the client, it became apparent to me that he did not really like himself very much. He was not what I would diagnose as clinically depressed, but he did not have a great deal of self esteem. I began working with him to identify his automatic thoughts that preceded several conflicts that he had experienced with others.

As I expected, many of his thoughts were distorted, negative, and often hostile. He seemed to automatically assume the worst in many situations, which triggered defensiveness, and in many instances, hostility towards others. I worked for several months with my client, identifying the cognitive distortions that escalated his defensive reactions. He began to journal regularly, and started dissecting the situations and thoughts where he felt he over-reacted.

Not surprisingly, he developed a greater ability for restraint as he began to recognize situations which would likely end in conflict. He began to be more aware of his thoughts and the way he felt in his body as his defensiveness grew. However, while he became more able to control his temper and his reactions, he still felt tense and uncomfortable, and often vented after the event.

Two types of self-talk

While there are many different kinds of cognitive distortions, there are basically two types of self-talk. One form of self-talk is directed outward. This is the self-talk that you use to describe what you perceive is happening around you or to you. For example, if you are confronted with someone who makes a comment about your shirt, you will have a series of thoughts about that person and that comment. These may be positive, negative, or neutral. But these thoughts are important as they shape the way you view your external environment. They play a huge role in constructing your external map of reality.

It is this type of self-talk that my client was beginning to learn to control and modify to be more positive. His thoughts were often negative, and his external reality was one that was full of criticism and danger. His thoughts created a world in which he had to be on the defensive. It is easy to see how his world was full of conflict.

The second type of self-talk is directed inward. It is how we talk to and about ourselves. This inward directed self-talk plays a large part in how we feel about ourselves. It affects self-esteem, and also plays a role in shaping our maps of reality. Typically, a person with a low self-esteem will view the world differently than someone with a high self-esteem. For instance, a person who does not believe his needs will be met in a relationship – either because he does not feel worthy, or strong enough to maintain boundaries – may lash out against others, either to force them to meet his needs, or perhaps to undermine the relationship entirely. In this person’s reality, this is safer than fostering a relationship, or compromising.

Unfortunately, this strategy usually fails to achieve the person’s needs being met – either the other party leaves, becomes resentful and refuses to cooperate, or otherwise withdraws – reinforcing the feelings of unworthiness and lowering self-esteem even further. As you can see, this may easily become a cycle in which the person’s cynical map of reality is supported and strengthened.

As we continued discussing my client’s discomfort in personal relationships, and the automatic thoughts that often occurred during interactions with others, it became apparent to him that much of his negative self-talk was directed at himself. Thoughts like, “I can’t do anything right!”, “I always screw things up, so why even bother!”, or “I’m such an idiot!” were common with my client. He slowly came to the realization that fixing his externally directed self-talk was an important step in improving his relationships and hapiness, but not enough. As he said in one session, “how can I really like anybody else if I don’t even like myself..”

A lesson to be learned

There are a lot of valuable insights to be gained from this case study. There are lessons about boundaries, cognitive distortions, the importance of self-talk in creating our individual realities, and the role of self-esteem in our relationships. All of these are important.

However, the message I really wanted to convey in this case study is that we should seek to be aware of our internally directed self-talk. If this self talk is regularly negative, judgmental, or derogatory, then we are essentially attacking ourselves, and weakening our own self esteem. The results can be damaged relationships, failure to achieve our goals, lack of fulfillment, unhappiness, and a general cynical outlook on life. In the extreme, they can result in severe depression, or even suicide.

During one of my final sessions with this client, we were discussing his progress and how he might continue to work on his self-talk in the future. I knew he “got it” when he paused, looked up at me, and said, “I am going to try and speak to myself as if I were my own best friend.”

Adequate sleep is a must for everybody. Without it, our bodies and minds rapidly degenerate. Prolonged periods without sleep, or without enough sleep, can result in serious medical and psychological conditions, such as reducing the immune system’s ability to fight off disease, or even hallucinations.

Sleep experts say that adults need an average of seven to nine hours of sleep each night to be fully rested and alert. However, most Americans receive only between four and six hours sleep each night, and the quality of our sleep is also typically not that great. When the inevitable crash comes – and it will – sleep deprived people experience ultra-vivid dreams, and nightmares, that often make for a less than relaxing night’s rest.

As a consequence, sleep-deprived people do not function as well as those that are well-rested. In some occupations, such as airline pilots, this can be disastrous. The consequences for “normal” people can also be unpleasant. Irritability, inability to concentrate, irrational thinking, mood swings, and other similar problems can arise from lack of adequate sleep.

The good news is there are a number of ways we can get more and better rest each night.

Here are six tips for getting a better night’s rest:

• Try going to bed each night, and waking up each morning, at the same time. This establishes an internal routine that your body will have an easier time adapting to.
• Cut down on caffeine and alcohol consumption during the day. While it may seem like drinking alcohol makes it easier to relax and fall asleep, the quality people get after drinking alcohol – particularly to excess – is extremely poor. Caffeine is a stimulant, so best not to drink a lot during the day, and especially before bed, if you already have trouble sleeping.
• Keep the room comfortably dark. Its best to shut off or block any bright lights. If you have anxiety in extremely dark places, make sure there is a subtle light somewhere in the room. Make the room comfortable and safe for yourself.
• Get into a regular bedtime routine. Start your routine in time to fully relax before you go to bed. Some people read, drink a glass of water or milk, take a bath, or even meditate before bed. The important thing is to wind down and relax before you crawl into bed to sleep.
• Exercise regularly. I’ve posted a number of blogs on exercise and stress relief. I’ll continue to beat the drum. When you exercise you develop better mechanisms for dealing with stress. You also create a healthier body. All of this affects the quality of your sleep.
• If you still have trouble sleeping, don’t try and force yourself to fall asleep. This will only create more stress, and make it harder. If after 20 – 30 minutes in bed you cannot fall asleep, its best to get up and do some type of relaxing activity, such as meditation, and try again.

For many people, falling asleep is easy. For others, it can be difficult at times. Typically, for healthy people, periods of insomnia can be traced to some kind of stress, anxiety, or even anticipation of some future event, and is temporary. If you regularly have problems falling asleep, it may be time to talk to a professional. Seeing a medical doctor, or even a therapist, can yield great results.

Remember, while we may be tempted to skip sleep to get things done, doing so may have significant affects on our health, and on how much we actually get done. People who get adequate and good quality sleep are generally more creative and efficient. The next time you are thinking of trading sleep for getting things done, consider that you may actually feel better, and accomplish more, if you just go to bed and get to work when you are well rested.

Although our society has made great progress in understanding that mental health is about more than simply “being in control of our emotions,” or “sucking it up” when things get tough, there is still a stigma associated with going to see a mental health professional for therapy or counseling.

Unfortunately, fear of being stigmatized often results in people who may truly need help not getting it. The consequences of not getting help vary from people not achieving the happiness and success they could with help, to the even more catastrophic act of suicide. The saddest part of any negative consequences of not seeking help is that the stigma associated with seeking help is totally unwarranted, and these consequences may be entirely avoidable.

The fact is that psychological conditions requiring treatments, such as mood disorders (depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc), personality disorders (borderline, narcissistic, etc.), psychotic disorders (schizophrenia, etc.) all have biological components. A person who suffers from chronic and deep depression, or regular and intense mood swings, is not simply “weak.” He or she is suffering from a medical, as well as emotional, condition that may be beyond his or her ability to control. Likewise for most mental conditions.

Imagine if a diabetic refused treatment because society labeled him or her as weak because they could not control their insulin levels. There is no difference with mental illness, which are all linked to structural or chemical irregularities in the brain.

While we do not yet have as much of an understanding of how the biomedical aspects of mental illness work as we do for many physical diseases, this does not mean that a person can control his or her susceptibility to mental illness any more than he can control whether or not he gets tonsillitis, or some other physical disease.

So why stigmatize? Basically, the stigma associated with mental illness is a result of our lack of understanding of how the biological, social, and psychological influences of mental illness work. But, that lack of understanding is no excuse for lack of empathy.

So when is it time to seek help?

There is no easy answer to the question of when it is time to seek help. Every person has his or her own capacity to handle mental and emotional trauma. This capacity is likely a result of the individuals predisposition (genetic or medical) to developing a mental illness, as well as the environmental (social and psychological) factors he is exposed to, particularly at an early age.

Generally speaking, if you or someone you know is having emotional or psychological problems that make it difficult or impossible to function in life, then it is time to see a therapist or doctor. Certainly, if there are thoughts of harming ones self or others, it is without question time to seek help.

However, even when things are not so extreme, seeing a therapist can often improve quality of life, and maybe prevent deeper pathology from developing. A good example is someone who has just lost a loved one, or has gone through a divorce or some other life change, that has resulted in feelings unwanted feelings of emptiness, unhappiness, anxiety, or depression. This person may not actually be “clinically depressed,” but may simply be going through an adjustment period. Seeing a therapist can often help such a person in recovery, and more importantly, help him or her shed the emotional baggage so it does not affect him in the future.

Admittedly, I am biased as I am training to be a clinical psychologist, but my personal opinion is that if there is any question in your mind about whether you should see a therapist… make the appointment. There is nothing to lose by consulting a mental health professional about your concerns. Worse case, you may get the help you need.

It is a well-known fact that exercise can have great benefits for mental health. Whether its jogging, walking, basketball, golf… it doesn’t really matter. When you exercise, you improve your emotional, mental, and physical well-being. As a result, you cannot help but have better and more stable moods.

How does exercise help improve your moods?

One word: endorphins. These are your body’s natural opiates. Not only do they act as painkillers, but they also are your built in “feel good” drug. Endorphines promote a sense of well-being and happiness. And intense exercise releases them.

Additionally, the physical act of exercising – e.g. repetitive and strenuous motion – releases other neurochemicals such as serotonin, which play key roles in moderating moods. This physical activity also counters low energy, and “do nothingness” often associated with depressed, sad, or bad moods. Action generates motivation.

Bottom line, exercise is one way to improve and sustain “good” and stable moods. This is not to say that exercise alone is a treatment for clinical depression. However, exercise is a great way to improve moods of normally functioning (read: not clinically depressed) individuals, and is also commonly part of the therapy plan for those who suffer from mood disorders such as depression.

What kind of exercise is best?

The simple answer is the best exercise is the exercise you will actually perform regularly. Any kind of exercise will improve mood, energy, and general well-being… but only if you actually do it regularly; e.g. 3+ times per week.

It is often tough beginning a new exercise program. After all, if you are like me, it hurts to try and regain the physical conditioning of the glory years. So reframe your approach.

Here are some suggestions:

• Find an exercise you enjoy. If you enjoy it, you will likely keep doing it. Remember, good intentions alone don’t give you the results. You must actually find a program you can stick to, and perform at least 3-4 times per week, for 30-45 minutes each.
• Set reasonable goals. Again, reframe your approach. Be patient with yourself. Trying to regain the glory days in a week or a month will likely result in a lot of pain, may get you hurt, and almost always ends with giving up on the program.
• Change it up. Its ok to change times and activities to avoid boredom… unless you are the kind of person that really needs a regimented routine, of course.
• Find a partner, or trainer. Exercise can and should be a social activity.
• Finally, talk to a doctor to ensure your plan is one that is safe for you. You can also hire a trainer to assist in developing a safe plan. Injury is a exercise program ender.

Many years ago while I was still a midshipman at the Naval Academy I had the fortune of spending part of my summer training at the Marine Corps Officer Candidate School (OCS), and The Basic School (TBS) learning how to become a Marine Corps officer.

Although I ultimately decided to accept my commission in the Navy and not the Marines, I learned a great deal from my OCS and TBS experiences. First, and foremost I learned that I could actually do far more than I thought I was capable of. Part of this lesson was learning about the things that hold many people back from achieving their potential. And, one of the main culprits is fear.

This lesson was reinforced one early morning when we were navigating the Tarzan Assault Course at OCS. To get a perspective on the value of the lesson, its useful to understand the nature of the Tarzan Course. It is a series of rope obstacles suspended about 10-20 feet above the ground in trees. At various points you jump, crawl, slide, or walk along these ropes, and (at least when we did it) there was no safety net or lanyards. You pretty much navigated the course or fell to the deck.

I recall one particular part of the course where we were required to slide backwards down a rope without using our hands. We simply had to lay on the rope, which was about 2” diameter, hook one foot over it, push off, and let go with our hands, and slide. This was the scariest part of the course for me, probably because it felt like I had given up all control. I remember getting on the rope, heart pounding, and hearing the drill instructor shout up at me “FEAR WILL GET YOU HURT!”… along with a few other things I cannot repeat on the blog.

So, deciding I was more afraid of the drill instructor, and the embarrassment of not completing the course, than I was of falling, I pushed off and let go. And I made it. The lesson for me was that sometimes thing seem a lot scarier than they are, and with courage and determination, any obstacle can be overcome. I also learned that fear is a state of mind that can undermine people’s efforts, and keep them from achieving their potential.

This is not to say that fear never serves a useful purpose. It does. Fear is a survival mechanism that may keep us alive at times. However, when fear becomes paralyzing, or begins to generate irrational limiting beliefs in us, it becomes a barrier to our success and happiness. The trick is not to be fearless, but to understand the nature of our fears, and to master them.

Think about the things that you are afraid of, and really assess how rational some of these fears are, and how they may be holding you back. You may find that many of your fears really don’t serve a constructive or useful purpose.

As I’ve mentioned before in previous posts, we all need to take time to unwind periodically. The daily challenges and frustrations we all face add stress and tension to our bodies and minds that can have serious effects on our physical and mental health.

Taking a few minutes each day to focus inwards and clear our minds and bodies of tension can help us be happier, healthier and more productive people.

This MP3 is a deep relaxation meditation that focuses on breathing and mental imagery to literally melt away the stress and tension from your body, and will leave you refreshed and relaxed. The exercise is designed to take 15 minutes, but can be done in as little as 7 or 8 and still have good benefits.

You can either listent to the MP3 online, or feel free to download it as well. Its free, and its yours to use whenever you like.

Try it! Let me know how you like it.

When most people think of psychology they think of a mentally ill person laying on a couch having his psyche dissected by Freudian-type person who asks a lot of questions about the patient’s mother.

Well, to be sure there is still some of that kind of therapy going on, but psychology has changed quite a bit since Freud and Jung. Much of the emphasis on modern psychology is still diagnosis and treatment of mental illness.

However, another approach that focuses less on treating mental illness, and more on improving healthy people’s lives, and keeping them healthy, is gaining popularity. This school of psychology is known as positive psychology.

If you have read much of my blog, or those of the hundreds of other personal development bloggers out there in the blogosphere, you have most likely been exposed to positive psychology. Indeed, if you have read any of the popular self-help books, you already know what positive psychology is about.

What are some examples of positive psychology?

Positive psychology is not just about making people “feel good,” (although I would argue there is some value in that alone). It is about preparing people mentally and emotionally to live happy, successful, and fulfilling lives.

A good example of positive psychology at work is teaching people the value of introspection, mindfulness, and reframing to enable them to react appropriately to life’s challenges, or to align their actions and values. Some of these same techniques are used to treat mental illness such as depression and anxiety, but can also be effectively applied to healthy people to help them better their lives.

Techniques such as NLP, hypnosis, and even clinical practices such as cognitive-behavioral therapies are also very useful when applied in the context of positive psychology.

Teaching people stress relief methods, or other forms of self-care such as the importance of exercise, relaxation, and a healthy diet are also forms of positive psychology. Other forms of positive psychology include helping people focus on their successes, teaching them to learn from failure, and how to make criticism work in their favor.

As you can see, the possibilities are limitless.

An emphasis on positive psychology can make serious improvements in your life, and in the lives of others around you. This does not mean that there is no place for other forms of psychology. The reality is that there is a lot of trauma out there in the real world, and modern psychology has developed some very effective treatments to help people overcome their challenges with mental illness. However, it’s important to realize that psychology is not just for the sick. It can benefit us all.

Have you noticed that happy people generally have a great sense of humor? It turns out that this is no coincidence. Humor improves moods, exercises your brain, improves relationships, and can even reduce physical and emotional pain. In fact, neurologists and psychologists are finding scientific evidence of the healing powers of a good sense of humor.

Studies published by the University of London Institute of Neurology have shown that a good joke results in activating parts of the brain that are important for learning and comprehension. Using fMRI (functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging), a technology that literally scans the brain and can show real time changes in regional brain activation, neurologists discovered that when you are processing a good joke, it is much the same as solving a brain teaser. In other words, humor actually improves your brains ability to learn and comprehend.

Funny situations also result in the release of dopamine, a natural opiate that is produced in the brain and instantly improves moods, reduces physical pain, and can even improve your health by boosting immunity.

In addition to its neurobiological benefits, a good sense of humor can strengthen relationships, defuse anger and aggression, and communicate affection. In short, having a great sense of humor makes people much more fun to be around. After all, moods are contagious, and so is laughter.

Four great ways to keep your sense of humor

Reframe daily stresses so they are humorous. You may have been in an unpleasant situation at some time in your life when somebody in the group cracked a joke. Generally, when we insert humor into difficult situations people are able to look at them differently, and possibly realize ways to deal more effectively with the challenges. Humor is an excellent coping mechanism.

Laugh often. Look for reasons to smile and laugh. Actively seek them out. Laughter is a great stress buster. The more we smile and laugh, and the more try and see the humor in events and situations, the less stressed we will be. And as we regularly reduce stress through laughter and humor, we improve our moods, which generally results in being happier, friendlier, and more fun to be around.

Hang around happy people. Moods are contagious and they feed off each other, so if you are around happy people, you are most likely going to be happier yourself.

Take care of yourself. While humor is a great way to manage stress, it is not the only way. It is much easier to have a sense of humor if you use other ways to manage stress and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Eating well, exercising, developing good social networks, and managing time well are all ways to help manage stress.