Simple•ology: The Simple Science of Getting What You Want – Book Review

Mark Joyner is a great teacher. There is no doubt about it. He writes in a very simple (almost simplistic) sort of way that may leave many readers wondering “what is the point?” But at the end of the chapter, if you hang in there through his personal rhetoric, political views, and fictitious examples, the point ultimately becomes clear and all that preceded it suddenly makes sense.

The question is not so much whether or not Mark is a good teacher, but more so about the validity of what he is teaching. Simple•ology is the first and only book I have read by Mark, and I have to admit for much of it I really struggled to remain engaged. This is not to say that there are not some valid lessons in Simple•ology. There are.

For instance, Mark spends a fair amount of time discussing how our thoughts, beliefs, language and experiences combine to form our model of the world. I have researched and written on these topics extensively in this blog and elsewhere, and I for the most part agree with Mark’s ideas.

Mark eventually, after writing several chapters on topics such as neural networking, focus and trances, links the creation of these models as representations of our own realities, to the notion of belief and behavioral flexibility. His “Utilitarian Model Flexibility” concept is undeniably powerful. In essence, Mark suggests that by accepting that your model of the world, which represents your reality, is not a true representation of reality, you may maintain the flexibility to change the model. In doing so, you retain flexibility of behavior and can better achieve your goals “at that precise time.” Read more..

7 secrets of self-motivation

Written by Diane Lowther of Brilliant Minds
(http://www.brilliantminds.net)

1. All motivation is self-motivation. Nobody else can motivate you. What they can do, however, is either support or distract from your own motivational process. Notice whose style adds to your self-motivation and who gets in the way of it. Consider coaching some of the key people in your life in how to enhance your self-motivation or in how not to derail your motivation
2. Very few people can perform at their best all day. Keep track of the times of day when you are mentally most alert, when you are most communicative and when you are most creative. Wherever possible plan to spend time doing the kind of task that comes easily at that time. This avoids wasting energy to motivate yourself to go against your natural inclinations. Read more..

What is reality?

You may not realize it, but you are on a journey right now. The journey is your life and you are navigating this journey using a map. That map represents your reality. It is created as you move along your life’s journey based on your experiences. As you experience different things, you form beliefs and values, and learn to perceive your world in particular ways, thus creating the map that you follow. And the way you perceive your world creates your reality. Read more..

Communicating effectively in difficult situations

Most of us have come in contact with a person who is irrational, irritable, upset, angry, suspicious… just really awkward to deal with. This may be a regular occurrence with some people, or it could be a one time experience with someone you don’t really know. Regardless, there is a way to manage the situation, keep it from boiling over, and at the same time effectively get your point across and achieve a reasonable outcome.

So how do you communicate with someone who simply doesn’t want to listen to what you have to say? Well, there are options. The first option is to ask yourself if you really need to get through to this person. If the answer is no, then perhaps you just remove yourself from the person and leave the situation. Life is too short… Read more..

Four relationship killing behaviors to avoid

Relationships can be hard sometimes. There are negative emotions that can lead to misunderstanding, disagreements, and arguments. However, it is possible to foster great relationships in the midst of disagreements by avoiding certain behaviors.

Indeed, Dr. John Gottman, a renowned marriage therapist, has conducted extensive research that shows that even in happy marriages couples fail to resolve over 65% of long standing disagreements. The lesson in these studies is that conflict does not kill marriages. It’s the way couples handle conflict that kills marriages.

Gottman points to four specific behaviors one or both partners in a marriage exhibit towards the other that can predict the failure of the relationship in 95% of cases. He calls these behaviors the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Read more..